Madden comes out today and it's no surprise that freaks are skipping work to play. I was talking to my buddy Paul after he returned from the bar last night. He had met one of his fraternity brothers, had a few drinks, and they discussed Madden. His friend is my new hero. You can't make this stuff up.
Clearly, Jerry Rice cannot be bothered unless it's for reality TV
OCD: Madden IS out. It came out at midnight. Paul: Yeah, so I was talking to ******* and he told me that he's skipping work tomorrow to play Madden all day. OCD: Wow, what a dumbass. Although, I've actually heard of people doing that before. Paul: Yeah... but he has a PlayStation 2. OCD: (hysterical laughter)
"News: Smith looked sharp during Friday's training camp, despite missing the first hour of practice while struggling to provide a urine sample for a drug test, the Baltimore Sun reports." - ESPN Fantasy Football Player News
Troy Smith is strugg-a-ling to urinate. When I read this, I figured that it meant he was having trouble draining the snake. Alex thought it might mean that he misplaced his urine sample. In any case, it looks like Troy Smith might be in the market for a Whizzinator. Remember when you used crayons to draw people and everybody's skin was peach? Luckily, these badboys come in a variety of colors: white, tan, "latino" (hahahaha), brown, and black. I was going to get one of those for myself, but they didn't come in childrens' sizes.
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Michael Phelps has a laundry list of amazing accomplishments. However, I believe he's topped himself with his most recent feat. My buddy Alex sent me a link to Michael "DUI" Phelps rocking a proper trucker 'stache. In my book, this is humongous. The guy is definitely going to win medals and he will be forever remembered (in his PRIME, at that) with a trucker stache. Think it's a tribute to Mark Spitz? One more sweet Michael Phelps tidbit: his middle name is Fred.
He needs a neoprene ski mask to cover that stache? Dental dam?
You might think that Mr. Phelps is random and hilarious, but I think this facial art is backlash. In a recent photoshoot with Men's Journal, Phelps looks uber gay. I know it's a fitness/outdoor/lifestyle magazine, I know he's a swimmer so he has to wear a Speedo, etc. But this is PRETTY bad. First off, they could've pulled up their trousers a tad. Second, they don't really need to be shirtless. Third, the creative director could have branched out beyond "oiled up" and "arm on shoulder". If you're so daring, there's also a "water fight" and Michael-Phelps-Flexing-in-a-Speedo pictures on the Men's Journal website.
"How about this time around I put MY arm on YOUR shoulder?"
But now I have to know... which is a worst career move: trucker "tribute" stache or gay magazine cover? YOU DECIDE.
From this point forward, I will refer to my "fans" as OCDeez. I think it's fittingly offensive yet affectionate. If you don't like it, F you. Don't worry though -- we can make Diddy-style transitions to sweet new aliases. You can send me suggestions. They probably won't be as funny as what I come up with though.
But this post is about the opinions of the Deez. There have been numerous polls on this site since its inception with some more surprising than others. We have made incredible discoveries: Sean Connery's Domestic Abuse Is Divisive, Everybody Thinks Matthew McConaughey Uses HGH, and Tim Tebow's Croc-Wearing Can Be Forgiven.
This is the humongous gatling gun that's inside of the A-10 Warthog. I think we should start mounting these guns on VW Beatles instead of the "Tankbuster". America, Fuck Yeah! From Wikipedia:
Although the A-10 can carry considerable disposable stores, its primary built-in weapon is the 30 mm GAU-8/A Avenger Gatling gun. One of the most powerful aircraft cannons ever flown, it fires large depleted uranium armor-piercing shells. In the original design, the pilot could switch between two rates of fire: 2,100 or 4,200 rounds per minute;[18] this was changed to a fixed rate of 3,900 rounds per minute.[19] The cannon takes about half a second to come up to speed, so 50 rounds are fired during the first second, 65 or 70 rounds per second thereafter. The gun is consistently accurate; it can place 80% of its shots within a 40-foot (12.4 meter) circle from 4,000 feet (1,220 meters) while in flight.[20] The GAU-8 is optimized for a slant range of 4,000 feet (1,220 m) with the A-10 in a 30 degree dive.[21]
Riding the V train this morning, I saw some extreme hipster fashion. I am 100% against skinny jeans and I could NEVER rock a pair like this. I think these are made for a 12 year-old girl except they're on a 25 year-old dude. Even if I chose to wear them, I don't know if I could physically get my body (and huge junk) into them. Take the poll below and let me know if these skinny jeans are TOO SKINNY:
He may have crammed his penis into those jeans, but no denim can ever contain his shame
