With Playboy Spring Break 2008 less than two weeks away, it is now crunch time. I’ve been working overtime to get all of the final details squared away. I have some important items on my to-do list such as acquiring a super soaker and fake tanning my pale body. But there really is a lot of planning and execution involved with our Playboy Spring Break events. Each week, we have a total of 4 evening events and 3 day events. You need an all-star crew to ensure success, so let me introduce you to the cast of characters:
Playboy Spring Break Staff from L to R: Chris Duncan, Lisa Kolodny, Charlie Romano, Chip Ross
Lisa “K-os” Kolodny: By our powers combined, we are COLLEGE MARKETING! To put it in laymen’s terms, we do a shitload of work for Playboy. Pretty much anything that relates to a person that is old enough to look at Playboy but not actually old is our responsibility. We destroyed at CollegeFest and I suspect Spring Break will be more of the same. Lisa is pretty talented, but I think her disadvantage of having significantly less body weight will hurt her in the tequila drinking department. Plus, I’ve been training. You should check out Lisa’s blog The Dirtay Thirtay.
Mr. Charlie Romano: Charlie is like the 6-inches-taller, skinnier, friendlier, and more patient version of me. He’s more than the college marketing intern, he’s the Official Chris Duncan apprentice. Soon, I will pass on the lessons of being a cranky, impatient fuck to him. For now, he is assigned all of the work that I don’t want to do. Kidding. Charlie handles much of the nitty gritty that goes into our main events like CollegeFest, Super Saturday Night, and Spring Break. His idea for the proposal to Fox was good enough to get us a sponsor (Hitman DVD). He also blogs about The Rise of Charlie.
Chip Ross: I first met Chip at CollegeFest 2006. He also came to Cabo last year for Playboy Spring Break as well. Chip is in charge of a little site called Playboy U. He’ll be handling the video content that will go up on Playboy U and also making sure that the bands are sufficiently drunk. That’s a joke… they won’t need our help getting drunk.
Rocky “Rawdog” Rakovic: Rocky is the artsy, effeminate version of me. Not really. He’s the badass editorial staffer that actually at least pretends to like marketing (thanks for putting my Mark Frazier interview on the Playboy Blog, buddy). We appreciate that. The Rawdog has had numerous pieces published in Playboy Magazine. My personal favorite is the write-up of his Brazilian wax experience in the August 2006 issue (Monica Leigh cover). At least he won’t have a problem getting that done for Cabo. He’ll be blogging the madness from our events.
Official Chris Duncan and Rocky Rakovic… that’s my drunk snarl caught at an awkward moment
Jimmy “The Muscle” Cambria: Jimmy is in charge of security at the New York office. He’s worked pretty much every major Playboy event for the past few years. He’s a former New York police office. I’m hoping that I’ll get to hear more crazy cop stories this year. Jimmy will also be the person that gets me out of Mexican jail.
The Playboy Models: Oh yeah, we’re bringing some girls with us too. The first week (March 8-11) we’ll have Playmate Shannon James and Cyber Girls Jennifer Hurt, Amanda Hanshaw, and Megan Hauserman. Shannon is great — she has dealt with C-Drunk/Piss Drunken and she still pretends to like me. Jennifer and Megan both have huge crushes on me (sarcasm), so we’ll see how that plays out. I’ve never met Amanda before, but I’m pretty sure she’ll fit in well. She can talk to Megan about being on Beauty and the Geek… so that works out. Week two (March 22-25) Playmate Lindsay Wagner and Cyber Girls Jillian Beyor, Aubrie Lemon, and Jessica Danielle will be making appearances. Lindsay is new to me, so I look forward to meeting her. Jillian was in Cabo last year and rebuffed my advances, so that’s a lost cause. She was at CollegeFest with us last September and kicked ass. Jennifer and Aubrie also both came with us to Spring Break last year. They’re also both Deal or No Deal models. I approve.
Some of my favorite people will be joining me in Can San Lucas this year. But I’m sure I’ll be making a lot more friends when I’m down there… lady friends. If you’re making the trip to Cabo either week, leave a comment and let us know!
Rock of Love has to be one of the best shows going right now. I like to say that my range of interests runs the gamut when it comes to television. But that’s just another way of justifying the fact that I like garbage. I can call a spade a spade.
Rock of Love fanatics, please place your vote for the girl that you think will win in the poll below. My pick is Ambre (explained below).
If you want to disagree with me about Rock of Love, let me try to sway you with my reasoning. The show has the right “mix” with a solid main character, scantily clad women, easy-to-follow while ridiculous storyline, and a healthy dose of intoxication. Let me break it down:
Bret Michaels is awesome As he appears on the show, Bret Michaels is like any guy who had a ridiculous amount of coming at him. He rolls with it, but he’s even surprised with some of the affection that the women show him — or he’s an excellent actor. His gratuitous use of “hey-yo!” is also comical. I just enjoy the fact the Bret Michaels acts the same as any normal guy would if he were in the same situation. Like any other reasonable person, I assumed Bret Michaels was a douchebag based purely on appearance. But when I read the Bret Michaels Playboy.com Dirty Dozen Interview (this was before Rock of Love), I couldn’t help but like the guy. The best quote is about the most orgasms he’s had in one day: “It was eight, with my current girlfriend. It would be nine because I also masturbated once in there as well.”
Megan Hauserman is my friend Yeah, that’s not true. We have worked together for two different events though. I think she’s actually really funny on the show. She flashed some of the same smart-assed nature at CollegeFest last September. I was sitting next to her and we were bullshitting with each other. I can’t even remember what I was saying to her at the time, but she interrupted me, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, “Are you hitting on me?” I’m pretty sure I wasn’t — at least not overtly. I was so shocked, I think I just walked away. I can’t even remember at this point. If only I had known that wearing eye makeup, a bandanna, and a cowboy hat was the key to her heart.
Girl drama to the max The most memorable moment so far was Aubry’s hilarious exit from the show. For those of you who didn’t catch that (video below), here’s the rundown. She figured it would be her or Kristy Joe eliminated, decided Kristy Joe deserved it more, and then “sacrificed herself” by leaving the show. Shortly after her speech about giving the “greatest gift” to Kristy Joe, Bret revealed that she was going to be eliminated anyway.
I think Ambre will win because she’s the all-around best. She’s attractive, reasonably intelligent, and athletic. I think she has enough juice to win. Unfortunately, Bret cut the two oldest women — leaving Ambre as the oldest (I think). I thought he might keep one of them around until the end for age-related drama, but decided to cut the cord. How the hell is Inna still around? Also, I think Daisy is going to be built up again (a-la her date with Bret a while back) and then eliminated. Yes, I think about Rock of Love this much. I am a truly pathetic individual.
Nothing is more fun than a game of Twister. That’s a lie. I can’t think of a time I’ve even played Twister. But I think it could be reasonably fun. That was my thought process when deciding to bring Playboy Twister to Cabo.
We found the spinner and shipped it last month. I scoured the closet and couldn’t find the mat that goes with it. The point of the story isn’t that I found the mat though. We just decided to print a new one. The final will look slightly different from the first mock-up below.
The NEW PlayboyU Twister mat… minus naked women.
However, I did find the original Playboy Twister mat online while checking out the search results for “Playboy Spring Break”. I really enjoyed this picture, so I felt the need to share. It is quite apparent that the old twister mat got some good mileage. Nice VHS camcorder that the guy on the left has… top of the line. Any guesses for what year this was taken? 1997?
An “adventurous” young woman gets down on the Playboy Twister mat. Yeah, I blurred her nipples. Sorry.
Playboy Spring Break 2008 won’t be nearly as “hardcore”. We won’t have wet t-shirt contests or anything like that. It’s Cabo San Lucas, you have to keep it classy. Girls won’t be taking their tops off at our events, but I’ll try to arrange that for other times during the week.
Just in case you were holding your breath waiting for closure, here are some updates on previous items. If none of the below is confusing, then you read my blog way too fucking much.
OCD INTERVIEW: MARK FRAZIER & BLAIR O’NEAL I’ve been in some recent correspondence with Blair, who was one of my bodypainted models. Looks like she’ll probably work at the Playboy Golf Scramble in Phoenix. Recently, I’ve had a Playmate, the Playmate “mother”, and the guy who runs Playboy Golf tell me to come out to LA for the Scramble Finals. I’ve never been to the Playboy Mansion, so this would be a great time to do that. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. I’m going to be in Cabo until the day I’d need to be in LA. So that’s either really good or really bad. Now, I have to convince them to fly me there…
TRASHING THE BUCKET LIST I’ll never see this movie and I’m nearly positive that it’s a piece of shit. It did much better than the horrible failure that I predicted. I said 45 with a max of 60 mill at the domestic box office. That was obviously insane. I had originally typed 60 with a 75 million domestic box office as a ceiling. It’ll probably peter out before it even sniffs $100 million which should be within the next few weeks.
Well, this makes me feel like an ass. This is the best Texas Basketball recruit of all-time doing something a toddler shouldn’t do. At least you don’t see VY eating boogers. Thanks to DChu, probably the biggest Texas-hater that I know, for this link. Check out the video below for the greatest ass slap of all time.
Damion James doesn’t fuck around when it comes to attaboys on the backside. Here’s the proof. AJ Abrams probably had a mark on his cheeks after that forceful show of affection.
Official Chris Duncan is an official dumbass. I locked my rental car keys in the car. Now Im waiting for a locksmith to reactivate the Ford Fusion. My flight is at 1:20 and its just about noon. Its going to take about 30 minutesto get to the airport and another 30 to return the car, take the shuttle, and check in. I'm possibly fucked. Wish me luck.
I'm at a BU college apt. Nothing posses me off more than people not having fun. Fuck Maxim. Fuck Heidi. Fuck any jackass that uses 10 oz of gel every day.
I'm at Logan Airport waiting for the Budget Car Rental bus. Its pretty approriately named since I have been standing here for 15 minutes. I've seen two Thrifty buses and possibly three from Alamo.
At least it gives me time to admire the above poster of The Golden Boy. Last time I was in Boston, the closest thing to something like this was a regional Vitamin Water ad with Big Papi. The Patriots may not have gone 19-0, but T Brady's handsome is undefeated all-time.
When is Tom Brady ever getting off of helicopters? Even if it did actually happen, why is he wearing a trench coat? It would probably be more effective if it said "one drop of Tom Brady ball-sweat in each bottle". Those are championship balls.
Yesterday, I had my first of two (or more?) posts published on the Playboy Blog. Because I’m quite the looker, the editorial staff felt like throwing me a bone and linking the article on the front page with my picture along with it. I feel like a pseudo-celebrity but not quite at the level of the guy from Crazy Town on Celebrity Rehab. Too bad most people will think that my name is Mark Frazier if they don’t read the article (it is Playboy.com). My phone has been ringing off the hook… but that’s because I misplaced it and was trying to locate it by sound (too bad it was on vibrate). Other than that, it’s business as usual with Official Chris Duncan.
His name is Seth Binzer
I’m sure everybody fucking hates that picture of me by now. I apologize.
While I’m riding high with the increased exposure of the Chris Duncan brand, I’m still not as “big” as Romeo Dev. I was linked to Romeo Dev yesterday by my co-worker Nikolai and then also saw his pictures on the screen of another co-worker. Nikolai linked me to FoxNews and Lisa was looking at the Daily Telegraph. I also saw that Romeo had a link to his Telegraph article on DrudgeReport. Drudge and FoxNews get around a million unique visitors a day. Romeo’s article appeared on The Daily Telegraph, Xinhua News, The Daily Mail, and was syndicated on local Fox News websites. He was also on blogs like Boing Boing and Best Week Ever. That’s a lot of eyeballs.
Bodybuilder Romeo Dev on Xinhua News (bottom right)
The man got a ridiculous amount of exposure for being a dwarf that also happens to be a bodybuilder. This guy is 50,000X more famous than I am and probably just as famous as Seth Binzer. I would have originally said that Romeo was twice as famous, but that was before I found out that he was in the only Martin Short movie I actually like… Clifford. I can’t really count Jungle 2 Jungle and I haven’t seen Three Amigos all the way through. You can look at the graph below that charts blog posts with Seth Binzer vs. Romeo Dev as topics. Obviously, Ice Rocket isn’t the best measuring stick, but it at least gives us part of the story. There’s no denying the spike that Romeo Dev has seen in the past few days. It’s hilarious to me that Romeo chooses to rock a Slim Shady-like hairdo. Two people that saw this for the first time instantly said that he was fake. I’ve been called a lot of nasty things — but nobody has ever claimed that I didn’t exist. Maybe he’s claymation.
Romeo Dev vs. Seth Binzer vs. Shifty Shellshock
Personally, I have a problem with the fact that many of the kids growing up (and those of us that are now avoiding adulthood) have top goals consisting of being rich or being famous. The problem with that is being rich and being famous are the results of accomplishment. You can’t “do” either of them. And you can ask Britney whether or not fame is as wonderful as those people would imagine. I’m not at the point where I have to worry about paparazzi though. I’m not even the most famous Duncan at Playboy. There are actually three Duncans in the New York office. The other two are Richard Duncan (who pointed out a typo in my Mark Frazier post) and Aaron Duncan, a bigwig in our licensing department. Aaron Duncan still has me beat in the playboy+duncan Google search. It’s going to be hard to climb above him since he’s actually worth writing about. But then again, all I do is make posts about myself.
The first video is Nick Cannon and DJ Reach in the DJ booth at the 2008 Playboy Super Bowl Party. It was around 1AM when the party was in full swing. Reach has been in the booth for many Playboy events. Nick Cannon made a special appearance at the Playboy Mansion last year and this was his first time we had the opportunity to work with him. My buddy Charlie Romano handled most of the DJ logistics for the party.
And here is the video from me and Andrea Lowell having a drinking contest after Madden Bowl 08. Clearly, I win.
Now that the Official Chris Duncan Blog has been up a little over a month, I can cover my progress in promoting the site. The first month brought 564 unique visitors (we can chalk up 3 of those to me on my laptop, me at work, and me on my iPhone). Average time on the site is 1:37 which means people are actually reading what I post. A little over 70% of the 564 visitors only came once and never came back. However, that also means that the rest visited more than once — about 70 people have visited 10+ times. How did that happen?
Most of My Traffic Came from Google Google sent 251 visits (different than unique visitors) for 31% of the total visits. I can safely say that most people weren’t looking for my blog. I catch a lot of random Playboy keywords from my posts about events, Mark Frazier, etc. I haven’t gotten any traffic from Yahoo at this point. I think that once I get listed on other search engines, I should have a decent bump in traffic. I can only hope that some of these people decide to actually read my blog if they don’t find what they’re looking for. Here are a few examples of searches that landed on my site and probably didn’t give the visitor what they were looking for: “masturbate with a vibrator”, hugh laurie phoenix, kept as a latex maid, pete wentz interview, roy williams looks like cartoon, and watch bikini airways online. I call these Chris Duncan’s Greatest Hits. Hopefully they liked the site anyway.
Direct Traffic Sent the Second Most Visits Direct traffic is when somebody types in officialchrisduncan.com into their browser. So that as a second source is huge. Hopefully, that means that people remember the site and come back to it on their own later. It could also mean that somebody visits the OfficialChrisDuncan YouTube Channel and sees the URL in the actual video. So it’s hard to understand where direct traffic comes from, but it’s definitely the sign of an engaged visitor. I think one of the biggest parts of personal branding is wrapping all of your online identities together. My Flickr, YouTube Channel, Twitter, MySpace Profile, Facebook Page, and Digg/StumbleUpon accounts all point to each other. I’d rather have somebody see some content from me like a picture somewhere else (e.g. Flickr or Facebook) than force them to visit my site. In the last week, I have a YouTube video with almost 500 views and a Flickr image with 300+ views. People will find their way to your site if you have compelling content.
Digg and Reddit Round Out the Major Traffic Sources I submit my own blog posts to Digg and Reddit. Yes, it’s a little bit embarrassing that I’m the only one who usually likes them — but it gets some decent traffic. I have to do more work on these networks to make a name for myself. Along with StumbleUpon, they are a great case to showcase your own interests and hopefully connect with people in a way that will get them to my site. This type of grassroots networking isn’t just for social bookmarking sites. I also have to do a better job visits sites that I think have similar visitors to mine and begin commenting/posting on forums.
Uncounted Traffic My goal is to put my site in as many places as possible. So it’s fed into my MySpace profile, Facebook profile, and Facebook page. I’m pretty sure that my measuring for these sites (FeedBurner Live Hits) is less than accurate. The hard part is convincing people to actually visit my site instead of reading it on my Facebook profile. I plan on changing the Facebook feed to short previews instead of the entire post, so hopefully that sends more traffic to the site.
Momentum is Building The site is definitely on the upswing. I can’t always hope for an increase in traffic every day, but I do hope it becomes more stable. If I just take stats from the last week (and that includes 12 hours of downtime last night), I still have 420 unique visitors. Of those people, 20% have visited the site more than once. So there are a lot of people who want more Official Chris Duncan. And I haven’t even started posting my homemade porn yet.
I headed to Madison Square Garden on Wednesday to watch the Knicks and Pacers with my cameraman by my side. My #1 goal was to start a “Fire Isiah” chant. Unfortunately, the Knicks were winning most of the game… until they choked. We actually had somebody from MSG tell us to put our signs away as we were leaving. Dolan is a fucking tyrant.
Spreading the FIRE ISIAH gospel in the subway
Most of the “action” while we were at the game is in the YouTube video below. We couldn’t muster a real “Fire Isiah” chant, but we enjoyed the game — not quite as much as Jerome James. Leave it up to General Manager Isiah to screw Coach Isiah by signing such a lazy bastard.
A few quick facts on Jerome James:
Didn’t play organized basketball until college
Nickname is “Big Snacks”
Signed a 6 year $30 million contract OR about $75,000 per game
Averages 9.8 fouls per 48 minutes of play
Averaged 3.1 points and 2.0 rebounds per game in his first year with the Knicks
The most hilarious aspect of Jerome James is that he yucks it up with EVERY player during stops in play before returning to the end of the bench (he sits beyond the players in STREET CLOTHES). The worst part is that we saw him giving “tips” to Eddy Curry. That’s the beginning of the end for another lazy, fat big man in the NBA. Don’t listen to him Eddy!
If you’re so inclined, check out my Pacers vs. Knicks game photo set. Video compilation from the game is below. I love the huge “AWWWW!” as the Knicks crap out at the buzzer. Did anybody expect anything less? FIRE ISIAH!!
OCD was launched in early 2008 by the Official Chris Duncan. The narcissistic jackass chronicles his work at Playboy in addition to covering trashy reality TV, sports, current events, politics, and celebrity culture.
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