I love this commercial. Drew Rosenhaus is an awesome agent… getting his former “The U” players gigs in Hungry Man commercials. The basic premise: these NFL players go to the grocery store and buy a SHITLOAD of Hungry Man. And that’s probably not a good idea if you take a look at the nutrition facts below from a Hungry Man “Classic Fried Chicken” Dinner.
Below is a log of an actual online conversation that I had with a friend. This paints a better picture of the douchebags that I associate with. Some details have been removed/changed — I wouldn’t want to out him for being the piece of shit that he truly is.
Anonymous Asshole Friend haha, i havent had that yet, but i had a pretty comical experience over the past couple weeks i was trying to mack it to this girl who i met at the st patricks day parade, a friend of (name removed) basically she was around last week
OfficialChrisDuncan haha, NICE those are the kind of girls that I like… ones that are around, baby haha
Anonymous Asshole Friend and she was like, i dont want to say all over me
OfficialChrisDuncan you can, go ahead
Anonymous Asshole Friend but touching, and like, seeking out my conversation the whole night and i talked to her the whole time and we both got hammered
OfficialChrisDuncan oh yeah
Anonymous Asshole Friend and i honestly dont really remember a thing i talked about with her
Anonymous Asshole Friend i ended up walking home i assume never said goodbye or maybe i did, but i doubt it
OfficialChrisDuncan the old drunken bolt
Anonymous Asshole Friend so shes coming to the game last sat and she like, gave me a good hello and whatnot and anyway, after the whole day, i didnt really talk to her btu i talked to her at the bar afterwards and like, 2 different times i was striking up conversation, and she would answer me and be like, yeah i actually told you this
OfficialChrisDuncan haha, and you’re like “oh yeahhhhH!”
Anonymous Asshole Friend i also was hitting on a different girl the whole time at the game
OfficialChrisDuncan hahahah
Anonymous Asshole Friend who was at the game, didnt really knw her … but she recognized … me from riding the subway so i was like, a commuting celebrity to her
OfficialChrisDuncan hahaha… that’s a good in
Anonymous Asshole Friend i figured i had it in the bag
OfficialChrisDuncan yeah, the “you know who I am” routine “and you happen to care”
Anonymous Asshole Friend and shes super hot, so i talked to her the whole time “so…what stop to do youget off”
I was on facebook today and saw a pretty ridiculous ad:
NYC Asian Eyelid Surgery Edward S. Kwak MD, is one the nations top plastic surgeons specializing in Asian facial cosmetic surgery.
So there’s a doctor whose last name is essentially “quack” who wants to (I assume) make your eyes look “less Asian”. TELL ME MORE!
The ad reminds me of my favorite scene from The Wire. You should go to about 3:00 of the YouTube video below. Basically, some local hoods are taken to the station to help create a composite sketch of a suspect. They fuck around trying to make a picture of the guy with little success and decide to create their ideal woman using the same software. Then there’s my absolute favorite part where the ringleader says “Chinese up dem eyes… like Beyonce” and his crony says “Yeah. Das Wassup.” at the very end. So I will now liberally use the phrase “Chinese up dem eyes” to mean improving something and adding the “Yeah. Das Wassup” indicates that it is an extreme improvement. The “… like Beyonce” is only necessary in formal situations.
Update: The kid that says “Chinese up dem eyes” is named Anthony Fedd. You can check out his MySpace here… potential OCD Interview material?
My good friend George Rodman tends to blow up my GChat from time to time. I’ve been hounding all of my friends to send me good blog material and good ol’ GRod finally came through. He sent me this wonderful link to an old (or fake) article about women in the workplace. If you’re not familiar with the role of women in the workplace, this article makes it easy to understand why it’s best to avoid cantankerous women and the “husky” type are both even-tempered and efficient. If you think this is bad, keep in mind our country was down with racism for about 20 years after this.
For fun, let’s see if we can come up with our own outdated and ignorant tips for working with women. Here’s my #12:
12. In general, women have trouble keeping their emotions in check. For this reason, it is especially important to keep your female co-workers in a positive mood by making them feel appreciated. It only takes a small amount of effort — a firm pat on the backside or a well-timed compliment about her figure (whether its toned or not) can do wonders.
I was reading an article about a Danish retirement home where a staff member had been propositioned by a resident. The solve the problem, the staff called a prostitute for the man. The article got a comment on the situation from somebody at the Danish Sex Worker’s organization. Before that point, I had never even realized that there could be a sex worker organization. So I decided to do a little more research. I found two of these foundations in Australia and The Netherlands that are quite real.
Probably one of my favorite pictures of all time…
The Australian Sex Worker organization does a great job providing information. On their Q&A page, you can find clear answers to questions you may have. Here’s a small sample:
Sex work - what is it? Sex work is the exchange of sexual services for money or goods.
Sexual Services - what are they? The definition of sexual services adopted in Victoria has three main activities under it. They are:
Taking part with someone in an act of sexual penetration. This includes oral, anal and vaginal sexual penetration. If you put a tongue, finger or other part of the body or an object, into a vagina, anus or mouth - or let any of these things be done to you - it’s an act of sexual penetration (Crimes Act 1958).
Masturbating someone. To be considered masturbating, their genitals can be clothed and they don’t have to cum.
Letting someone view acts of sexual penetration or masturbation when there is any form of physical contact between any watcher and any watched or when any watcher is allowed or encouraged to masturbate.
If you get money or goods for doing any of these things, you are doing sex work.
Has anybody realized that they’re doing sex work yet? Apparently, Australia has a very proud tradition of sex work. According to the Scarlet Alliance:
Prostitutes, or ‘doxies’ or ‘blowens’ or ‘biters’ or ‘strumpets’ as they might have been called by the marines and convicts of the 18th century, were among the very first white women ever to step onto the continent of Australia when they arrived at Sydney Cove with the First Fleet in 1788.
And let’s not forget about The Netherlands. The Red Thread has started a Pimp Free Zone campaign.
You’d think the logo would be a chalice with an X through it
Rode Draad and Vakwerk started a sticker and poster campaign against pimps. They are putting up stickers and posters on windows with the phrases “Pimpfree Zone” and “Pimping is forbidden in The Netherlands”.
Despite our Puritanical roots, there is a similar organization in the US called Sex Workers Outreach Project. They define themselves as a “Sex Workers Outreach Project-USA is a national social justice network dedicated to the fundamental human rights of sex workers and their communities, focusing on ending violence and stigma through education and advocacy.” I think I’m going to start calling OfficialChrisDuncan.com a social justice network. SWOP is in San Francisco… and you know New York doesn’t enjoy being left out. So that’s where SWANK comes in. SWANK is a group of former and current sex workers based out of New York City. The SWANK MySpace profile shows that they have an event in New York on May 8th. Looks like the OfficialChrisDuncan has a party to cover…
I haven’t made an entry into the bat-shit-crazy category for a while. But when I walked into the Rite Aid before work earlier this week, I encountered something out of the ordinary. I wanted to grab a meal-in-a-bar product and passed a guy sitting in a folding chair. I quickly realized that he wasn’t interested in purchasing said chair — he was drawing. Rite Aid is a drug store … and he certainly wasn’t drawing the beef jerky and Gatorade that were right in front of him. So now you can understand why I was pretty shocked that a creepy looking guy had posted up in the middle of a store at 9AM.
Luckily, I was able to snap a I’m-just-casually-looking-at-my-phone picture of him on my way back towards the front of the store. I was a little bit afraid that he might notice me taking the picture and try to kill me… but I knew that it would make for great blog filler. While cropping/tagging the picture, I decided it would be interesting to try and see what he was drawing. There’s a 300% zoomed and rotated copy of his notepad in the lower left. No, that is not a person drawing the same thing that he is while standing behind him. I’m pretty positive it’s a city over some body of water … so half of it is a reflection. I went into Rite Aid this morning and did not see the scribbling genius at work. I did see the chair though…
Rembrandt van Rite Aid only works in the shade… BOO YAH
A source close to the actor said: “Jesse loves women with big breasts. He thought Colleen was the perfect woman, but was lacking in one department, so he decided to make her the ultimate woman.”
This gem comes from a quote about Jesse Metcalfe. The article explains that he paid for the breast augmentation of ex-girlfriend Colleen Shannon. I checked out his Wikipedia and decided that his character name is Passions, Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald, is hilarious. It also says “Was recently involved in an altercation with a rapper named Mams.”. What? The picture on the left is some guy bitching him around outside of an LA club.
Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.
“Who needs endless breadsticks when zesty girls are on the menu? Playboy.com is searching for the sexiest “Girls of Olive Garden” to pose for a tasty pictorial. With more than 600 Olive Garden locations throughout the United States, Playboy.com is confident it will uncover the freshest ingredients for its sexiest “Girls Of” pictorial yet.”
The kicker is at the bottom:
“Playboy.com’s “Women of Olive Garden” model search is not affiliated with Olive Garden.”
We’re not getting any money from “The Garden” here? Come on!
Yeah, it’s real. I guess Hef decided he’d throw Kendra a bone (no pun intended) since Holly gets to look for the 55th Anniversary Playmate. But really… Girls of the Olive Garden? For some reason, that strikes me as more strange than Girls of McDonalds, Starbucks, and Enron. Maybe I’m just weird.
“Johnson was quoted as telling the Daily News that plenty of men try to grope women on subways, and admitted he’s been doing it for more than 25 years since he saw another man rub against a woman on a train and dash away unpunished.”
We got to Le Royale at about 11:15. We hung out by the bar for about 10 minutes trying to figure out exactly what was going on. It seemed every empty and didn’t seem like anybody around us was interested in music. Then we realized that there was an upstairs area. On the upper floor, there was another bar and then a dance floor area with bottle service tables surrounding it. Some guy that was definitely not Xavier was manning the decks when we arrived. It was great because Alex thought that it was going to be 100% hipsters and their weird fashion, so he was rocking a 1980’s olympics hat and a sweatband. I tried to explain that the core demographic was “white kids”, which is much wider demographic that isn’t necessarily “down” with hipsters. He looked a little bit out of place.
Alex and I felt like something was off as scanned the crowd from a good spot along the rail. The small pockets of people didn’t reallly seem to be meshing. It was still early, but it didn’t seem like we were dealing with a cohesive group. My theory was that the key skill required for attending this event was internet savvy. You had to buy tickets on Going.com. We stood in a line when we first arrived because kids WITHOUT tickets were lining up. So I think it was just a lot of random people that would never hang out otherwise. Alex still had hope that a dance party would break out (and I didn’t think he was wrong), so we decided to perform an experiment. He bet that the dance party would take over the dance floor within 30 minutes, so I set the timer on my iPhone. The 30 minute time period passed quickly and there was still no dance party.
At this point, Alex started to feel sick, so we stepped outside for some fresh air. That was good and bad… we saw the next DJ show up with (with his apprentice/bitch carrying his mixer). Five minutes later, we saw Xavier trying to cross the street. He was with his girl (pretty blonde girl that looked similar to Rachel Hunter) and they stood outside for a good 20 minutes. I guess now is a good time to reveal that both of us forgot to bring our cameras… so fucking stupid. I did find one video from the performance … it went up an hour ago — I love the internet. You can tell that the dance/scream party got bumping much later on. This video is of Xavier rocking the Phantom II Soulwax Remix.
I’ve been lucky enough to get my hand on some trendy jackets lately. The one in the upper left belongs to Chris V from The Beasts of Eden… it’s bloody awesome. The jacket in the bottom right is Lisa K’s… yes, a women’s jacket. Just a tad too small to rock legitimately. I just think it’s funny to compare that style to Xavier de Rosnay of Justice. I think I’m going to have to get myself some of this hipster garb. I think there actually is a guy that goes by “DJ ceedunc” (he’s from England).
Coincidentally, I’m going to see Xavier de Rosnay from Justice at Le Royale tonight in New York Fucking City. I’m pretty excited. I didn’t know about this at all until like Thursday. Hopefully, he actually plays some Justice stuff. None of “my bitches” (yeah right) wanted to come, so I have to bring Mr. Handsome with me. Hopefully we can get some good video or pictures… or pick up some hot hipster chicks.
OCD was launched in early 2008 by the Official Chris Duncan. The narcissistic jackass chronicles his work at Playboy in addition to covering trashy reality TV, sports, current events, politics, and celebrity culture.
“Johnson was quoted as telling the Daily News that plenty of men try to grope women on subways, and admitted he’s been doing it for more than 25 years since he saw another man rub against a woman on a train and dash away unpunished.”
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