The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

“As an American I am ashamed and embarrassed that this film was made. I pray that it’s a huge failure.”

Those were the words of Kevin from College Station, TX. He would like to apologize to the rest of the world for the piece of shit that is Sex and the City. I actually respect SATC as an entertainment property but think that it does have a negative effect on our society. Prepare yourself for my SATC Weekend posts. It’s going to be fab.

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“I lost my head. I even had money with me. I don’t know why I took the stuff.”

That is the apology of a man that decided to steal a chocolate penis and Playboy Bunny from a store. He wanted to give them to his fiancee. You can read about his shame here. Also, why don’t they make chocolate breasts or vaginas? Maybe they should start…

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Relationships are a mystery for most of the people in my generation. “Hooking up” can mean anything from a warm caress to a Cleveland Steamer. My buddy GRod sent me this link and it was hilarious and frighteningly real at the same time. I think the main problem is this guy’s approach to SMS-courtship. I have a suggestion and it’s two words: dick pics. I won’t get into that now, but it might be a good idea to mentally prepare yourself for that post.

My first text message to a girl is usually: 8==========D u like?

In baseball, “PopoZão” is a slang term used by Philadelphia Phillies fans for a home run hit by Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard.[citation needed]

That tidbit is from the Wikipedia article for “Popo Zao”, the awesome Kevin Federline song. Apparently, Phillies fans have adopted the term — or at least a clevery wiki-vandal has left his mark. Thanks for this one, Brad.

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Apparently one of my friends has decided that Bruce Bowen is gay. It’s actually pretty funny for me to imagine him with a hoop earring and some flamboyant clothing. The “bonghitters” mention is a reference to us getting smoked (pun somewhat intended) by the High Times softball team.

Bruce Bowen does not like these allegations
Anonymous Asshole Friend: do you think the NBA’s nightmare will come true with another Spurs V Pistons final?
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahaha… that would be great
OfficialChrisDuncan: I’ll kill myself if it’s Celtics/Lakers and they talk about the tradition
OfficialChrisDuncan: and how Kobe vs. KG is like Magic vs. Bird
Anonymous Asshole Friend: haha, me too, i really don’t want to see that
OfficialChrisDuncan: god, that would be the worst
OfficialChrisDuncan: it also makes me happy knowing that Kobe will be one year older without winning
OfficialChrisDuncan: http://www.playboy.com/blog/2008/05/bad-news-bunnies.html#more
Anonymous Asshole Friend: agreed, i too would love another pistons spurs cause the spurs own detroit and i need some hockey retribution
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahah FUCK YOU
OfficialChrisDuncan: Spurs are very good though
OfficialChrisDuncan: I like their team a lot
Anonymous Asshole Friend: the best
OfficialChrisDuncan: minus Bruce Bowen and Tony Parker
Anonymous Asshole Friend: you don’t like them?
OfficialChrisDuncan: Manu pisses me off because he’s good
OfficialChrisDuncan: Bruce Bowen is douche and I think TP is overrated
OfficialChrisDuncan: maybe TP isn’t overrated anymore
Anonymous Asshole Friend: TP is not overrated
Anonymous Asshole Friend: points in the paint man, he owns that shit and he’s little
Anonymous Asshole Friend: Bowen pisses everyone off who isn’t a spurs fan but that’s his job
OfficialChrisDuncan: yeah… the Claude Lemieux
Anonymous Asshole Friend: haha … who isn’t a bitch
Anonymous Asshole Friend: bruce bowen looks like a gay man too
Anonymous Asshole Friend: if he had an earing in his ear
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahahahah
OfficialChrisDuncan: don’t make me cackle at work
Anonymous Asshole Friend: it’s true, spurs are the bonghitters of NBA basketball

The good places in New York always have people waiting outside. This place is so exclusive that the line starts forming at noon. It’s the chop’t in midtown. It’s not a club. chop’t is a place to get lunch. I know the line may move quickly… but this is insane. I guess lots of people like salad.

The guy bounding the opposite direction with some sort of grilled platter knows the score

A challenge was issued and accepted. On Wednesday, the Playboy office is facing High Times in softball. It’s kind of a tradition, but this is the first time the game is being played in about 3 years. Apparently, facebook and College Humor were set to face off in beer pong… but then it got canceled. Softball is so much classier.

Our squad is made up of 16 people from marketing, editorial, security, and licensing. I think our security crew of Jimmy and Bobby will provide a lot of power — they play in the Staten Island softball league. We’re borrowing my good friend Danny from MTV and expect big things. I’ve been roiding for the past 4 weeks in preparation for the big day.

Currently, our sponsors are up in the air. We’re thinking box wine but might end up with liquor in the clubhouse. In any case, I’m positive that we’ll have lost track of the game by the end. We made some sweet uniforms for the game… BONERS 2008! The game is Wednesday in Central Park. Merciless stoner bashing is scheduled for a 6:30 PM start.

Hef would be proud

The new, Joey-less Real World was sad but still entertaining. While this is certainly not my favorite Real World, this cast does seem to have some potential. Below are five points that are highlighted in the latest episode.

JoJo is a hoho

JoJo is back Ask and you shall receive. The biggest douchebag in the Los Angeles area made another appearance on the show. This time, he actually seals the deal with Brianna. I think there are two important things to note about his appearance: the LA shadow beard and the back-of-mullet that is now pony-tailed off. Having either is grounds for a beating… but both?

Sarah realizes how judgmental she is I love the way they talk about how skanky Brianna is… yet she isn’t even the one getting plowed by a roommate. Bri didn’t even get a chance to open her legs before Kimberly. Also, what is your mom or boyfriend going to do about your bitching? Just please shut the fuck up and cheat on your boyfriend for real. Otherwise, you are worthless.

Whitebread sandwich as per usual OMG can you believe Dave and Kim are hooking up? It’s just like every Real World where the two most whitebread people in the house are teetering on the edge of a relationship. It happened recently in Sydney (Cohutta/Kelly Anne), Denver (Alex/Colie), Austin (Danny/Melinda), Las Vegas (Steven/Trishelle), etc.

Greg sucks This kid is a bitch. He acts hard because he’s a loner. It’s the whole “I don’t need anybody else” routine… but you know he just has low self-esteem. The fashion show makes this pretty obvious. He walks the catwalk like an idiot — twirling his jacket and pirouetting. Can somebody please knock this douchebag down off of his high horse?

Das Not Wassup Alex and I had Will’s “Das Wassup” count at 3 after the first episode. Since then, he has not uttered the phrase once. I’m going to assume that he still says it but that the production team has edited it out of some scenes. I am very, very disappointed.