The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

Riding the V train this morning, I saw some extreme hipster fashion. I am 100% against skinny jeans and I could NEVER rock a pair like this. I think these are made for a 12 year-old girl except they’re on a 25 year-old dude. Even if I chose to wear them, I don’t know if I could physically get my body (and huge junk) into them. Take the poll below and let me know if these skinny jeans are TOO SKINNY:

He may have crammed his penis into those jeans, but no denim can ever contain his shame

“Stanley Kobierowski, 34, was arrested in Providence, R.I., after smashing his car into an electronic message sign. According to state police, he allegedly blew a .489 and .491 on a Breathalyzer at the scene. That’s more than six times the state’s legal limit. He was brought to a local hospital and held for two days until sober enough to be arraigned, police said.”

Stanley Kobierowski is a bad bad man. When I was in Cabo last March, we were getting somewhat sauced and one of the Cali kids had his own breathalyzer. My friend Alex gave it a whirl and he blew a .300. We both assumed this was wayyyy too high and that he would be crawling if he actually had a .300 BAC. But .489 is just a new level of insanity. That guy should be dead right now. The feat amazes me for two reasons 1) his body didn’t shut down before he reached that BAC and 2) he was able to drink that much volume of liquid. Let’s say he did all of his damage in a 6-8 hour span. I bet he drank between 20-30 beers in that time. Take the poll below and weigh in:

Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.

You’d probably get a lot of different answers for that question. But ask Eddie Murphy and he’d probably tell you Meet Dave. Meet Dave is the new (soon-to-be-gone) Eddie Murphy movie about 100 martians that come to Earth in a human-shaped spaceship… that looks like Eddie Murphy. It’s your classic fish-out-of-water, martian-comes-to-Earth-and-falls-in-love piece of garbage. So pretty much Earth Girls Are Easy minus the entertainment value.

I refuse to acknowledge that 80’s fashion is back until I see somebody wearing a black and blue paisley leather suit with leather gloves and a silk scarf. Stop kidding yourself.
What does that have to do with a tranny? Not much. But you may remember that back in 1997, Eddie Murphy was stopped by police with a transvestite prostitute. We all know how that feels. The following months were a PR nightmare for the star that hurt the opening of his next movie. Holy Man opened 5th at the box office on a little over 2000 screens and made $5.1mn — which is bad but not horrible given the situation. Holy Man also scored a miserable 10% on Rotten Tomatoes.

How did Meet Dave fare in its opening weekend? The short answer: “Eddie Murphy should stick to voice acting”. This crappy Earth Girls Are Easy ripoff was showing on about 3000 screens (50% more than Holy Man) and finished SEVENTH with $5.25mn. OK, I know it’s harder to score a hit in the summer… but he couldn’t do better than Steve Carell’s sloppy fourths (Get Smart has been out for a month). This won’t gross more than $25mn domestically and Eddie Murphy movies haul in $104mn on average. I mean, I’d expect a piss poor performance like that out of somebody like Jason Statham… but Eddie Murphy? I’ve offered similar advice to Leelee Sobieski; FIRE YOUR AGENT, EDDIE!

This shirt is awesome. I’m not a huge Kimbo fan, but I can at least appreciate the artistic value. I would like to see Kimbo get destroyed by Emilianenko… but that will never happen. Check out this sweet shirt:

Don’t worry… I’d cut the sleeves off

Contrary to what “the internet” may tell you, Official Chris Duncan did not have sex with this girl Dorcas. I don’t know a girl named Dorcas and I don’t think I’ve ever been to St. Louis. Given the opportunity, I would try to disappoint this girl sexually … but that was never possible. I didn’t even know who this “Dorcas” person was until I received this facebook message:

SUBJECT: hey….
TIME: July 20 at 1:04pm
did you bone a girl named Dorcas who lives in stl, or was that another Chris Duncan? Just wondering, cause I saw it on thedirty.com

I don’t pick up whores in bars — I solicit them on Craigslist

That lovely tidbit of information is from TheDirty.com — a site that is penned by a person that calls themselves Nik Richie. His real name is apparently Hooman Karamian as cited by Dirtyscottsdale Discovered. I congratulate him on running a good site, but he seems like a humongous douche (hmmm… that sounds familiar). I posted the picture of “Dorcas” and cropped his logo out of it. The guy jacked photos (personal pictures of some guy and his girlfriend) from Playboy’s social network (PlayboyU) and passed them off as interesting content. Not cool.

I was in Scottsdale in February for Super Bowl and I can imagine where this guy comes from. Scottsdale is like the really try-hard version of a big city club scene. There are nice venues, beautiful people, and money — but there’s no real hierarchy to make the snobiness legit. I actually really liked Scottsdale though. But that’s probably because I went to Ashley Simpson’s event on Wednesday and the Madden Bowl on Thursday (where I feebly attempted to invite Roy Williams to our Playboy Party). Ah, memories… or at least reminders of memories you had they were erased.

Here’s a video clip of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen doing some dancing. I’m not really sure what this is from or what’s really going on. They seem minimally entertaining and like even worse dancers. It’s pretty funny how obvious it is that they’re reading off of cards. I wonder how many takes it took for them to get the shitty dancing right.

There’s something missing from this video… and it’s called flava

By now, almost everybody knows that Andy Dick is a little crazy. However, he confirmed this again by making a scene outside of a Buffalo Wild Wings. The short story is that he was peeing in the parking lot then decided to pull a teenage girl’s top down. The resulting search found other drugs in his possession.

Andy Dick is as crazy as the day is long
The most shocking part of this story is that Andy Dick was at BUFFALO WILD WINGS. Shouldn’t he be doing drugs at a much nicer establishment? For some reason, I can’t help but picture this scene with trucker-people as the innocent bystanders. Also, can anybody explain to me why a performer would just whip it out? It says that Andy Dick has done this twice… K-Ci did it too. What gives?