The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

The Lions are the worst team in the NFL and possibly the worst team of all time. They are the first team to go 0-15 and they may finish with the dreaded 0-16 record. They’ve already cemented their place in history as one of the most inept teams of all time. Dan Orlovsky is actually one of the better players on the Lions, but he may be remembered for a complete fuck up earlier this year against the Vikings. See below:

Mr. Orlovsky was so unaware of his position on the field that he runs out of bounds and Jared Allen celebrates in his face. Only then, did Dumbass Dan realize that he had registered a safety. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter at all. It’s actually one of my favorite YouTube videos. But losing at Green Bay this weekend would make the play infamous. Many football fans remember this “lowlight” from earlier in the season, but this clip WILL become the signature replay for the potential 0-16 Lions. Dan Orlovsky better shake the flu in a hurry and beat the Packers at Lambeau… or else he’s going to be the poster child for the Lions’ complete failure.

• Ad firm wants to buy one Super Bowl spot and re-sell it to up to 8 advertisers.
• Man files lawsuit over being called “douchebag” in the book Hot Chicks With Douchebags.
• Viacom disputes Rock of Love f-bomb.
• Tom Brady is engaged to Giselle Bundchen. Bastard.
• Update: McDonald’s actually paid 1000 people to stand in line for Japanese Quarter Pounders.  Check out the original Japanese QP post here.
• Hulu’s traffic declines for the first time (from October to November).  Losers.
• World of Warcraft has 11.5 mn subscribers worldwide.  Wow. (pun intended)
• Esquire: Will Obama legalize marijuana?
• The Sun: Lily Allen topless at a beach.
• HuffPo accused of ripping off content. They’ll probably rip me off soon.
• ESPN to launch interactive TV applications. Effing awsome.

Yes Man is a crappy movie and also finished #1 at the box office this past weekend. I can’t say that I’m surprised since Jim Carrey is such a box office beast. Mr. Jenny McCarthy was fortunate that Will Smith’s Seven Pounds is apparently very bad as well. Even without a Big Willie Style Flop, you had to know that Yes Man would perform well. I’ve known about this movie since my brother sent me an email back in September:

My brother is incredibly insightful.

Big names like Jim Carrey and promotion drive the box office these days. The window to make money at theaters is becoming smaller and smaller. The success of most wide releases depends on frontloading the promotion and thereby the revenue. There are very few movies that register any significant returns after the first 6-8 weeks. Warner Bros. must be on to something because they may break the domestic box office record of $1.75 billion. I guess that’s why I started seeing Yes Man posters in November. My friend John took advantage of one of their “viral marketing tools” to trash the movie:

Viral marketing is the wave of the future!

It’s disheartening for me that Jim Carrey chose this movie to get “back in the saddle”. Recently, I watched part of Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls on one of the superstations. I thought to myself, “This isn’t so bad… it’s even pretty funny.” I remember that I used to think that movie sucked… but compared to Jim Carrey’s latest it’s gold.

• The critics agree: Yes Man and Liar Liar are the same movie.
• Universal making “tens of millions” off of music videos on YouTube.  On the flip side, Warner removes music videos from YouTube.
• A few awesome pictures of Wrigley being prepared for the Winter Classic (Red Wings/Blackhawks): One Two Three
• Take-Two’s 2008 reports $11.1 million in costs related to Electronic Arts’ hostile takeover bid.  Huh?
• Hot Chip makes “We’re Looking For A Lot of Love” available to download. It’s from their new EP.
• BBC News: Surgeons give teenager a new chin. “If they stare at him now, it’s only out of admiration.” Right…
• Nerd wants to protest Steve Jobs’ decision not to speak at Macworld. Loser.
• In case you didn’t realize, Somali pirates are fucking gangster.
• Most predictable spinoff of all time: Celebrity Rehab Presents Sober House. Yes, it’s real.  Also, Steven Adler was just ordered back to rehab.
• Judge Dredd remake in the works.  Current suggestions for JD: The Rock, Jason Statham, Vin Diesel.
• NBC Kills Top Gear USA.  I think it could’ve been good.  Blame the economy.
• Ragging on Ben Silverman Has Gone Mainstream.  People love to copy my blog.  I guess DeadlineHollywood hated BS before me.
• David Beckham moves to AC Milan, admits American soccer isn’t the highest level.  Does he still own part of the Galaxy?
• Video games for old people.  Looks boring.
• MTV set to debut College Life.  Seems similar (identical?) to RJ Cutler’s Freshman Diaries.
• Burger King’s Flame body spray is apparently sold out.  WTF.

Sarah Brandner is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. I ran into her earlier this week while on my way home from a work happy hour. As I was walking down Stanton Street, I noticed somebody familiar. It wasn’t Sarah, it was her boyfriend Sebastian Schweinsteiger.  He’s a German soccer player that currently plays for Bayern Munich.  I went to the 2006 World Cup in Germany and we saw two games: the semi-final between Germany and Italy then the 3rd place game between Germany and Portugal.  Before the Portugal/Germany game, I CALLED the fact that Bastian would score based on his performance in the previous game.  You can ask my dad or my brother… and Bastian actually scored twice.

Sebastian Schweinsteiger has a face only a mother or Sarah Brandner could love

I decided to try the old “yell their name and see if they turn and look”. When he responded to my drunken call of “BAS-TEE-YAN!”, I decided that I would ask for a picture. He begrudgingly obliged and then I realized that somebody had to take the picture. I put my equipment into Sarah’s capable hands and she did the rest. God, I hope I can say that again some time in my life.

The picture that she took is below. I feel like Bastian could tell that my drunk ass was ogling his girlfriend. He also just kind of looks like a gargoyle in the first place. It doesn’t matter now… we’re BFF!!!  That is… until I steal Sarah from him.  Oh yeah, Bastian also said he preferred soccer to sex.   Hear that, Sarah?

I'm smiling AT Sarah Brandner... not because I'm with Bastian

• Awesome portable DirecTV screen/satellite. (Thanks, Mangan)
• AMC greenlights political drama pilot. With the success of Mad Men and Breaking Bad, this probably going to be awesome.
• Michael Phelps and Eli Manning together… NERDICAL!
• Soccer player kills pigeon with ball. (Thanks, Paul)
• Are you watching online videos at work? Of course you are… 65% are viewed between 9-5, M-F.
• Jeremy Piven has “shocking” amount of mercury in his system from sushi and Chinese herbs. Investors in his play (which he dropped out of) cry foul.
• Freakonomics: Indonesia’s Drinking Problem.
• RIAA to stop suing individuals. Cutting edge.
• The visual history of Mickey Rourke’s face.  He may be ugly as sin, but The Wrestler will be awesome.

My excuse for this lazy post: too many holiday parties and Mad Men.  One of my new favorite quotes comes from an episode I just watched: “We drink because it’s what men do.”  This picture below and my buddy’s comment are also entertaining:

Please don't send me any virtual beers or snowballs

“i find that especially interesting as his daily journey begins with flirting…then finding out what kind of person he is/should date. then finding out if hes a stalker…then becoming in a “complicated” relationship. thats some day.” - JRM

• Melrose Place spinoff coming?
• Don’t smoke cigarettes… smoke Japanese fake cigarettes.
• Somebody kill Brian Austin Green… Megan Fox is so god damn hot.
• Guy Ritchie gets $75 mn and a house in his divorce settlement with Madonna (or Madge, as the Brits call her). I need to swing something like this.
• The Crow will be re-made… and probably will suck.
• Fox orders scripted musical show for primetime… horrible.  It’s called Glee.
• Romantic comedies “spoil your love life”.
• Zane Lamprey loves his job hosting a drinking show, tries to save the show by holding rallies.  NYC is Thursday.

Let me be one of the first to promote the theory that Kanye West’s dancing is even worse than his singing. Too bad there’s no autotuner for dancing… because Kanye sucks at it. I first noticed his attempts at dance on either Conan or Letterman a few weeks ago. He was all by himself in front of the band, so he spastically jerked around. I know that it’s pathetic and horrible dancing because it looked much like something that I would attempt. However, I’m not trying to be the next Michael Jackson… and it takes a lot of booze to convince me to “get down” like that. TMZ and MediaTakeOut have both highlighted his horrific dancing from the last episode of Saturday Night Live.

Can we also note that Kanye posted these videos on his blog and spelled the name of his song incorrectly? I know it’s minor… but he called it “Love Lock Down” instead of “Love Lockdown”. Normally, I’d let this pass… but it’s probably due to somebody ghostwriting for him. Note that his domain name is registered by echomusic LLC. echomusic LLC specializes in marketing (listing music blogs as one of their specialties) and is owned by Ticketmaster. Hmmm…

• Warcraft “leading cause” of college dropouts.
• The Guardian: The Dark Knight has most ridiculous plot of 2008.
• Rihanna shows some cleav.
• List of people/businesses swindled by Bernard Madoff.
• SNL writers read my blog, create David Paterson Weekend Update appearance.  However, David Paterson doesn’t think blind people jokes are funny.
• Pictures: Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.
• Picture: Shawty got a donk.
• Tim McGraw has #1 fragrance aptly named “McGraw”. Faith Hill to create a fragrance as well.
• Michael Jackson wore a crazy Zorro outfit to court.  Sad.
• Kanye wears a lot of red to Z100’s Jingle Ball.  Did he borrow that tux from Brandon Flowers?
• The Hangover (movie) looks pretty funny.
• Mark Cuban says down with the frohawk.
• Arsenal midfielder Djourou is a bigtime metrosexual.
• Video: Check out the Japanese commercial for SoftBank starring Brad Pitt and directed by Wes Anderson.   Seriously.

One task I have at Playboy is to on a monthly basis is to remove delinquent people from our “comped subscription list”. Usually, they’re potential advertisers… mostly marketing staff, media planners, etc. It is unusual that I have to remove such a famous celebrity as I did today.  Just in case you’re unfamiliar with Michael Knight… check out Wikipedia.

Michael Knight will no longer receive Playboy

WKUK or Whitest Kids U Know are comprised of Trevor Moore and friends. WKUK is effing awesome and they have a movie coming out next year. They’re almost like an American version of Kids in the Hall. The film is about a guy who’s high school sweetheart has become a Playmate. I actually get to screen the movie (tentatively titled “Playboys” or “Miss February”) next week.

Below are two of the greatest Whitest Kids U Know videos. The first is a skit about erotic asphyxiation, which is hilarious on its own, and the second is a skit about a kid who wants more time with his dad. Enjoy.

I usually hate the musical guests on late night shows because it’s designed to kill the time between :21 and :35 with a 3-4 minute performance. However, Letterman does a great job with his performers. Tonight, they had Bon Iver… who I had never heard before in my life. Monday, they had The Duke Spirit which was also good/interesting. I’m not saying I love all of the bands that he has on, but they do an excellent job of mixing it up and keeping the quality consisent. Other bands that I’ve seen on Letterman and subsequently sought out (off the top of my head): The National, Black Kids, Fleet Foxes, etc. Letterman also personally loves the Foo Fighters… Paul Shaffer plays Everlong all the time. Elvis Costello (along with Jenny Lewis) played the show twice in the last month and change. Music blogs are for losers.

UPDATE: Brooklyn Vegan was kind enough to link to this post.  I commented on the their post saying that the song they played on Letterman was “For Emma”.  Apparently, the song was actually “Skinny Love” according to another commenter.

Ben Silverman’s Laugh Track

• Bryan Fuller’s first episode back at Heroes is #19 of this season.
• Nobody cares about Obama’s YouTube videos anymore.
• DMX was arrested at Scott Storch’s house.
• Aaron Rose from Gossip Girl effing sucks. Here’s a comparison to his real life counterpart (possibly).
• Jimmy Fallon hosts his online Late Night warm-up … in a t-shirt over long-sleeved shirt.
• Bergdorf has some creepy ass windows.
• Jay Leno’s non-exit from NBC is good in the short term… and horrible for everybody long-term.
• LAT: ‘Benjamin Button’ explodes onto award scene.