The Lions are the worst team in the NFL and possibly the worst team of all time. They are the first team to go 0-15 and they may finish with the dreaded 0-16 record. They’ve already cemented their place in history as one of the most inept teams of all time. Dan Orlovsky is actually one of the better players on the Lions, but he may be remembered for a complete fuck up earlier this year against the Vikings. See below:
Mr. Orlovsky was so unaware of his position on the field that he runs out of bounds and Jared Allen celebrates in his face. Only then, did Dumbass Dan realize that he had registered a safety. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter at all. It’s actually one of my favorite YouTube videos. But losing at Green Bay this weekend would make the play infamous. Many football fans remember this “lowlight” from earlier in the season, but this clip WILL become the signature replay for the potential 0-16 Lions. Dan Orlovsky better shake the flu in a hurry and beat the Packers at Lambeau… or else he’s going to be the poster child for the Lions’ complete failure.
Yes Man is a crappy movie and also finished #1 at the box office this past weekend. I can’t say that I’m surprised since Jim Carrey is such a box office beast. Mr. Jenny McCarthy was fortunate that Will Smith’s Seven Pounds is apparently very bad as well. Even without a Big Willie Style Flop, you had to know that Yes Man would perform well. I’ve known about this movie since my brother sent me an email back in September:
My brother is incredibly insightful.
Big names like Jim Carrey and promotion drive the box office these days. The window to make money at theaters is becoming smaller and smaller. The success of most wide releases depends on frontloading the promotion and thereby the revenue. There are very few movies that register any significant returns after the first 6-8 weeks. Warner Bros. must be on to something because they may break the domestic box office record of $1.75 billion. I guess that’s why I started seeing Yes Man posters in November. My friend John took advantage of one of their “viral marketing tools” to trash the movie:
Viral marketing is the wave of the future!
It’s disheartening for me that Jim Carrey chose this movie to get “back in the saddle”. Recently, I watched part of Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls on one of the superstations. I thought to myself, “This isn’t so bad… it’s even pretty funny.” I remember that I used to think that movie sucked… but compared to Jim Carrey’s latest it’s gold.
Sarah Brandner is one of the most beautiful women on the planet. I ran into her earlier this week while on my way home from a work happy hour. As I was walking down Stanton Street, I noticed somebody familiar. It wasn’t Sarah, it was her boyfriend Sebastian Schweinsteiger. He’s a German soccer player that currently plays for Bayern Munich. I went to the 2006 World Cup in Germany and we saw two games: the semi-final between Germany and Italy then the 3rd place game between Germany and Portugal. Before the Portugal/Germany game, I CALLED the fact that Bastian would score based on his performance in the previous game. You can ask my dad or my brother… and Bastian actually scored twice.
Sebastian Schweinsteiger has a face only a mother or Sarah Brandner could love
I decided to try the old “yell their name and see if they turn and look”. When he responded to my drunken call of “BAS-TEE-YAN!”, I decided that I would ask for a picture. He begrudgingly obliged and then I realized that somebody had to take the picture. I put my equipment into Sarah’s capable hands and she did the rest. God, I hope I can say that again some time in my life.
The picture that she took is below. I feel like Bastian could tell that my drunk ass was ogling his girlfriend. He also just kind of looks like a gargoyle in the first place. It doesn’t matter now… we’re BFF!!! That is… until I steal Sarah from him. Oh yeah, Bastian also said he preferred soccer to sex. Hear that, Sarah?
I'm smiling AT Sarah Brandner... not because I'm with Bastian
My excuse for this lazy post: too many holiday parties and Mad Men. One of my new favorite quotes comes from an episode I just watched: “We drink because it’s what men do.” This picture below and my buddy’s comment are also entertaining:
Please don't send me any virtual beers or snowballs
“i find that especially interesting as his daily journey begins with flirting…then finding out what kind of person he is/should date. then finding out if hes a stalker…then becoming in a “complicated” relationship. thats some day.” - JRM
Let me be one of the first to promote the theory that Kanye West’s dancing is even worse than his singing. Too bad there’s no autotuner for dancing… because Kanye sucks at it. I first noticed his attempts at dance on either Conan or Letterman a few weeks ago. He was all by himself in front of the band, so he spastically jerked around. I know that it’s pathetic and horrible dancing because it looked much like something that I would attempt. However, I’m not trying to be the next Michael Jackson… and it takes a lot of booze to convince me to “get down” like that. TMZ and MediaTakeOut have both highlighted his horrific dancing from the last episode of Saturday Night Live.
Can we also note that Kanye posted these videos on his blog and spelled the name of his song incorrectly? I know it’s minor… but he called it “Love Lock Down” instead of “Love Lockdown”. Normally, I’d let this pass… but it’s probably due to somebody ghostwriting for him. Note that his domain name is registered by echomusic LLC. echomusic LLC specializes in marketing (listing music blogs as one of their specialties) and is owned by Ticketmaster. Hmmm…
One task I have at Playboy is to on a monthly basis is to remove delinquent people from our “comped subscription list”. Usually, they’re potential advertisers… mostly marketing staff, media planners, etc. It is unusual that I have to remove such a famous celebrity as I did today. Just in case you’re unfamiliar with Michael Knight… check out Wikipedia.
WKUK or Whitest Kids U Know are comprised of Trevor Moore and friends. WKUK is effing awesome and they have a movie coming out next year. They’re almost like an American version of Kids in the Hall. The film is about a guy who’s high school sweetheart has become a Playmate. I actually get to screen the movie (tentatively titled “Playboys” or “Miss February”) next week.
Below are two of the greatest Whitest Kids U Know videos. The first is a skit about erotic asphyxiation, which is hilarious on its own, and the second is a skit about a kid who wants more time with his dad. Enjoy.
I usually hate the musical guests on late night shows because it’s designed to kill the time between :21 and :35 with a 3-4 minute performance. However, Letterman does a great job with his performers. Tonight, they had Bon Iver… who I had never heard before in my life. Monday, they had The Duke Spirit which was also good/interesting. I’m not saying I love all of the bands that he has on, but they do an excellent job of mixing it up and keeping the quality consisent. Other bands that I’ve seen on Letterman and subsequently sought out (off the top of my head): The National, Black Kids, Fleet Foxes, etc. Letterman also personally loves the Foo Fighters… Paul Shaffer plays Everlong all the time. Elvis Costello (along with Jenny Lewis) played the show twice in the last month and change. Music blogs are for losers.
UPDATE: Brooklyn Vegan was kind enough to link to this post. I commented on the their post saying that the song they played on Letterman was “For Emma”. Apparently, the song was actually “Skinny Love” according to another commenter.
Pac-Man: John Pacman, a man with severe OCD, goes spelunking in an extensive cave system when a cave in traps him in with an elite paramilitary group known only as The Ghosts. Now Pacman must avoid The Ghosts while satisfying his OCD by collecting little white gem he finds throughout the cave. When Pacman finds The Ghost’s quarry, the mystically-powered power pellets, he turns the tables on The Ghosts.
Die Hard meets Metal Gear Solid meets Monk in this action-packed thrill ride..
Katherine Pope will likely leave NBC. HuffPo heaped the blame on her a couple weeks back for the cancellations of Lipstick Jungle and My Own Worst Enemy. Obviously, that was before Knight Rider was canceled. Ben Silverman is expected to keep his job as he has increased profits at the Peacock. I would be afraid to fire somebody with spiky eyebrows too. I’m curious to find out how much make-goods cost them when a series laden with product placement (MOWE w/ GM, Knight Rider w/ Ford) dies.
I've heard of angry eyebrows... but these are devilishly furious eyebrows
Sean Avery is hilarious but also a d-bag. Elisha Cuthbert’s ex felt the need to run his mouth now that people know his name. It has to suck when you’re more known for your ex-girlfriends or a publishing internship than your actual career in the NHL. At the same time, it’s not Elisha Cuthbert’s fault that she likes to bone hockey players. I sense a bit of jealousy in Sean Avery’s comments. Would you ever see his name in the news (or a box score) unless he said something extreme? Reading the original article, I ended up seeing Mr. Avery’s profile picture on ESPN. Lame. Here’s more visual evidence of his douchebaggery:
Did he buy those glasses off of Lenny Kravitz?
I wonder what he's going to say about Shanahan when they break up
John and I went to the Rangers game vs Pittsburgh and luckily they won in a shootout. Then we got wings at Croxleys. The problem is that they were somebody else’s wings. They were cold. So we asked for new wings. It was 25 cent wings and we were feeling rich. They added more sauce. We asked for new wings yet again they threw the old shitty wings in the fryer. They still weren’t hot. They were triple fried. We paid and left.
OCD was launched in early 2008 by the Official Chris Duncan. The narcissistic jackass chronicles his work at Playboy in addition to covering trashy reality TV, sports, current events, politics, and celebrity culture.
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