The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

If you were watching the Grammys last night, you probably caught some of the awful fashion.  There were future outfits, unnecessary hats, and then whatever Coldplay wore (image below).  Are they musical Power Rangers?  Then below we have two videos of the incredibly ugly Blake Griffin throwing down against Colorado.  Upon being drafted into the NBA, he will compete with the likes of Charlie Villanueva and Shelden Williams for title of ugliest baller around.

Coldplay spun the Roy G. Biv wheel to come up with this ensemble

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The NFL had quite the opening ceremony for the Super Bowl.  The opportunity to appear in that pre-game show is prestigious for entertainers and personalities of all kinds.  However, it was still a little surprising to see two of the people flanking Roger Goodell on Sunday.

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First, they brought in the crew of Flight 1549 including THE Chelsea “Sully” Sullenberger that landed the plane.  Pretty much all they did was receive and introduction and wave to the crowd.  I guess they’re pretty used to that by now.

What could they possibly be talking about? Geese?

My favorite appearance in Tampa was by coin-tosser extraordinaire General David Petraeus.  When he’s not tossing coins, he runs the United States Central Command and oversees US operations in 20 countries.   I guess he wasn’t booked on Sunday.

"I loved you in Generation Kill!"

Yesterday, I encountered a incredibly accurate instance of symbolism. I ride the subway to work and am typically half-asleep on my voyage to midtown. Today, the door opened and I took a half-step out… and then nearly fell on my ass trying to avoid disaster. I immediately noticed some of the nastiest vomit of all-time splattered in my path and, luckily, avoided it. It reminded me of the situation I was about to walk into at the office. Having recently been notified that the Playboy New York office was closing, it also meant I was out of a job at the end of April. This was quite similar to the puke I was about to step in. Also, there was a mouse eating the puke. I wonder what that symbolizes. Somebody smarter than me must have a theory on that. And now, two random rants:
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Daddy’s Girls “make the right decision”
Does anybody watch this show? You shouldn’t. I’ve given it a few tries. It’s about Rev Run’s two daughters that move to LA to start a shoe company. On the last episode, the girls were approached by a huge douchebag promoter to host a party.  You may say, “But Chris, not all club promoters are douchebags.  You need to be more accepting.”  But that would be wrong… this guy was roided out, fake-tanned, and wore one of those “L.A. club guy” shirts that have stitching on the shoulder or chest of something bad ass like a dragon.

If you buy this shirt, I automatically hate you.

The episode was based on their struggle with morality as they weighed raking in some cash with the club gig and keeping their squeaky clean image as spokeswomen for the Girl Scouts. Obviously, they chose the high road and opted for the Girl Scouts. I’m guessing they were offered like $10-20K. They didn’t end up hosting a club appearance… but let’s recap what actually happened. They MET this promoter at his club Vice. It wasn’t blurred out… that’s weird! Then, he later pitched them on the club appearance and talked up some of their previous hosts ranging from Jenna Jameson to I don’t remember. The point? The club gave them money anyway. They were featured on a fucking cable television show for an extended period of time as a main part of the storyline. I refuse to believe that it was coincidence and that they just FORGOT to blur the club name. Ridiculous. That show sucks — don’t watch it.
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T.O. vs. Keyshawn: Round 2
Terrell Owens does not like Keyshawn Johnson. He’s already talked trash about Key. So I guess TO felt a little bit jealous when Keyshawn got his own interior design show on A&E. Fast forward 4 months later… and now 81 is signed up to do a reality show on VH1 produced by Rock of Love/Flavor of Love/I Love Money veterans Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin. Let’s hope for a train wreck, baby.

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Last but not least… here are a couple of random links… Jenna Fischer looks damn fine at the SAG Awards and apparently Frito Lay has released caffeine snacks in Japan. Awesome.

My excuse for this lazy post: too many holiday parties and Mad Men.  One of my new favorite quotes comes from an episode I just watched: “We drink because it’s what men do.”  This picture below and my buddy’s comment are also entertaining:

Please don't send me any virtual beers or snowballs

“i find that especially interesting as his daily journey begins with flirting…then finding out what kind of person he is/should date. then finding out if hes a stalker…then becoming in a “complicated” relationship. thats some day.” - JRM

• Melrose Place spinoff coming?
• Don’t smoke cigarettes… smoke Japanese fake cigarettes.
• Somebody kill Brian Austin Green… Megan Fox is so god damn hot.
• Guy Ritchie gets $75 mn and a house in his divorce settlement with Madonna (or Madge, as the Brits call her). I need to swing something like this.
• The Crow will be re-made… and probably will suck.
• Fox orders scripted musical show for primetime… horrible.  It’s called Glee.
• Romantic comedies “spoil your love life”.
• Zane Lamprey loves his job hosting a drinking show, tries to save the show by holding rallies.  NYC is Thursday.

Sean Avery is hilarious but also a d-bag. Elisha Cuthbert’s ex felt the need to run his mouth now that people know his name. It has to suck when you’re more known for your ex-girlfriends or a publishing internship than your actual career in the NHL. At the same time, it’s not Elisha Cuthbert’s fault that she likes to bone hockey players. I sense a bit of jealousy in Sean Avery’s comments. Would you ever see his name in the news (or a box score) unless he said something extreme? Reading the original article, I ended up seeing Mr. Avery’s profile picture on ESPN. Lame. Here’s more visual evidence of his douchebaggery:

Did he buy those glasses off of Lenny Kravitz?

I wonder what he's going to say about Shanahan when they break up

• CW to spin off Gossip Girl into Jenny Humphrey show?
• Knight Rider is officially dead.  Next up: American Gladiators.
• In smart but less-than-innovative plan, The Dark Knight will be re-released in theaters 6 weeks after the DVD release. Also, The Dark Knight to debut on VOD before DVD in Korea.
• Entertainment Weekly declares Seth MacFarlane “smartest man in TV”. Apparently, ripping off The Simpsons makes you a genius.
• Colt McCoy wins Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year… then named second team All Big 12 QB. Huh?
• MySpace to offer videos through mobile.
• IFC unveils for domestic trailer for Steven Soderbergh’s Che starring Benicio Del Toro.
• Check out first images of Christian Bale and Johnny Depp (as John Dillinger) in Public Enemies.
• Apparently, Stephen Colbert reads my blog and has “declared war on Kanye West”.
• For The Record: Britney’s ratings good but not great.
• For the fiends: New Lost trailers.
• BBC News: How to deliver a ransom to pirates.
• Check out the new Aftermath & Eminem mixtape. Also, Eminem - Number One.

Kanye is being complimented for his blog by GQ (according to Jossip). Apparently, they’re calling him out in the “Men of the Year” section for his blog Kanye Univercity. Mr. West is a super-blogger — some days he posts over 10 times. He even managed to post 20 times on the day that he was arrested in the UK. Is that really possible? Probably not. Hip Hop’s Newest Vocoder Fan oozes narcissism in his new Fader interview. Gross. He also attributes his sour grapes outbreak during the MTV Europe VMAs to him being an “independent champion” (the outburst is at 1:10 and quite ridiculous). Right. He also said recently that he wanted to be Elvis. Will his next album’s (likely) mediocre sales temper his attitude? We’ll see… he’s compared himself to Michael Jackson and Elvis in the past week. Please also do not give him credit for the Lego heart he wore on Conan… it’s from the guys in Jackson Swinton.

You didn’t know?  Kanye made underbites hot.

• Stallone adds Dolph Lundgren to The Expendables along with Jet Li and Jason Statham.
• Nike orchestrating LeBron move to the Knicks; gives Knicks fans free hot dogs.
• Whizzinator creators face The Man.
• Twilight stars will get $10 million raise for sequel.
• SNL to air “sports-centric” special during NFL Playoffs. Sarah Palin will appear. Just kidding.
• Ryan Seacrest is slowly becoming a somewhat legit TV producer… he’s responsible for Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated, Bromance, and Momma’s Boys.
• George Clooney hazes Hugh Jackman upon becoming Sexiest Man Alive.
• Yeah, Kanye can’t possibly write his own blog… but Argentinian model Griselda Sanchez is really hot.
• Apple sued over iPhone’s browser.
• NY Daily News: Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Australia’ an ‘unwieldy mess’; Nicole Kidman ‘painfully corny’. Ouch.
• Is the Heidi/Spencer marriage fake? Probably.
• Mila Kunis knows a lot about World of Warcraft… even more shocking: Macaulay Culkin is her boyfriend.
• Atlantic Records claims half of its revenue comes from “digital”.

Client Number 9’s last call girl, Ashley Dupre, did an interview with People magazine recently.  It’s not really news that Eliot Spitzer was “strickly business”. However, normal girls don’t get paid thousands of dollars for sex… at least not in straight cash.  Did you already figure out that HCH stands for High Class Hooker?  She had a few select quotes that I felt obliged to share:

“I’m a normal girl.”

“This wasn’t any different than going on a date with someone you barely knew and hooking up with them. The only difference is I can pay my rent.”

“Some guys, they want to have conversations and really get to know each other. With him, it clearly was not like that. It was more of a transaction. Strictly business.  I was there for a purpose — not to wonder who [he] could be.”

Unfortunately, you won’t find this quality on Craigslist

• Beauty and the Geek celebrity version coming to MTV?
• Watch almost any sporting event live on the internet. (at the bottom)
• Showtime plans reality show about hookers…
• Paris Hilton and Benji Madden broke up. So sad…
• Will Nicole Kidman quit acting?
• LAT decides to use a jackass headline on article about McCain winning Missouri.
• GnR, Paul McCartney to debut albums on MySpace. The future! (Thanks, John)
• Are you ready for BRITNEY? (Thanks, Lindsay)

NY Mag has harsh words about “Amazing” and “Tell Everybody That You Know” two tracks leaked from Kanye’s upcoming CD. I love a lot of what Kanye’s done. Everybody knows he’s an excellent producer and lyricist … but his vocals and flow are suspect at times. I actually like both songs and they will probably be popular, but you can’t call this an improvement on his past work.  “Amazing” almost sounds like a Kid Rock’s “Only God Knows Why” mixed with the Gangsta’s Paradise choir. And everybody still talks about Kid Rock’s slowed-down vocoder song… oh wait, no they don’t. Thankfully Young Jeezy is a good addition — he had a slick appearance on “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” from Graduation.

I don’t know how to feel about these songs though. They’re worth listening to… but they aren’t really “Kanye West songs”. When I heard them, I immediately thought either 1) somebody close to him died or 2) he and his girl split. Apparently, it’s both.  His mom died about a year ago from botched plastic surgery and because he and Alexis Phifer broke up a few months ago. The title of Mr. West’s upcoming CD is 808’s and Heartbreak. The former referring to the drum machine nicknamed the “808″ and the latter presumably referring to Phifer. Maybe Kanye grew up. He surprised me the most by failing to mention a single brand (I think). In 2004, he topped the American Brandstand list with mentions of 19 different brands in 4 of his songs (19 brands in 4 songs - Avis, Boost, Cadillac, Cartier, Cool Whip, Ensure, Geico Insurance, Hennessy, Jacob the Jeweler, Lexus, x2, Mercedes, MTV, Nike x2, Pepsi, Rolex, Toys R Us, Versace).  Although, the new “maturity” didn’t stop him from claiming he’s the “voice of a generation”.

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Gap creates potentially the most annoying celebrity holiday song commercial of all time

• NBC to air 3-D episode of Chuck after the Super Bowl… and then realize Chuck will never be popular. This is reminiscent of INCESSANT My Own Worst Enemy promos during the Olympics.
• Obama to resign from Senate on Sunday.
• Viewers of election coverage like and dislike O’Reilly the least. Katie Couric sandwiched between O’Reilly and Fox News (in general) on disliked list. Ouch.
• Heidi and Spencer will appear on “How I Met Your Mother”. Ugh.
• 60 Minutes books first post-election interview with Barack and Michelle Obama on Sunday.
• NYT says Obama dresses like Jerry Seinfeld.
• Preview Kanye’s competition… The Killers Day & Age
• TMZ says it best, “Travolta Shaves Head, Leaves Beard“. Scary but kind of awesome.  John called it the “Stone Cold” look.
• Chinese government decides to “name and shame” artists that lip-synch.
• Quantum of Solace locations for your James Bond tour.
• Paulson urges automaker aid. Soros: “Hedge funds will be decimated.”
• Bin Laden “cut off” from Al Qaeda operations. I think we’d actually be less safe if he died. At this point, he’s just a trophy.