The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

But I’m trying to fix it.  Please have patience.

I give Jimmy Fallon a 6 /10 for his first show. In all, he had poor interview skills and the jokes were so-so. His monologue sounded like the stand up of a crap guest comedian.  The one funny point in the monologue was when an audience member “wooed” and Fallon snapped “I hate it when my dad drinks”. Funny  — but he probably had that retort in the can for weeks. Anybody want to bet on whether he uses that again before the end of next week?  He even managed to make the exact same joke as Letterman to open the show — except worse.

“New York City was hit with a huge snow storm,” Fallon noted, “and I woke up this morning and said, `Please, let it be a snow day! Please!’”

In terms of skits, Slow Jam News was marginally funny (enough to appreciate… but not laugh). And I’ve seen that the internets have given it mixed reviews. Target Demographic had no humorous points whatsoever. He did have cool interaction with the crowd by bringing up audience members to lick random items, but “Lick It for 10″ fell flat. However, I thought that was the one bright spot in the show.

The greatest movie poster in history

The main problem is that Jimmy Fallon has absolutely ZERO interview skills. He had the kind of conversation that you have with deli guy as your food cooks … when you don’t actually want to talk to the guy at the deli. Fallon was visibly sweating after a question to De Niro broke down into a story about hassling Jack Nicholson by yelling “You can’t handle the truth!” De Niro responded “I don’t understand the question.” They had a skit together (video below) that was sort of/not really funny. It was clear that Fallon was having trouble connecting and that his interview skills were weak. Most of his Justin Timberlake interview broke down into “remember that time when _____”.

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The one redeeming factor was Justin Timberlake’s appearance. His John Mayer impression was spot on — but then followed by an obnoxious plug for Bud Light Lime… that fell flat. I can’t believe more people haven’t mentioned this. It was a horrible attempt at product integration (perhaps they should have sponsored the John Mayer impressions directly preceding this performance). The only thing more painful than listening to that garbage was seeing the look on De Niro’s face as he sat there awkwardly. Jimmy Fallon did not talk about anything interesting which doesn’t bode well for a “talk show”.

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I don’t want to hear this “Conan was shitty his first episode” or “Did you know Conan was canceled in 1995?” crap. Jimmy Fallon was a full cast member on SNL from 1999 to 2004. He also has a history of stand up comedy.  He’s been in movies. So being on television should not make him nervous. Expectations are a different story, but I took that into account when I graded him. His main problem isn’t going to be finding rhythm — that will come with time. He needs to find a connection to the young men that will be watching a talk show at 12:35AM… and that won’t be easy. Here’s what Lorne Michaels had to say about his appeal last week:

“When he was on ‘Saturday Night Live’ he had enormous appeal to young girls,” he said. “That means young men are going to be a bit ambivalent. But they’ll come around.”

From what I saw, he’s not going to win over the 18-35 male demo. The question is: what is Jimmy Fallon most known for? He made his name with impressions — which are much more useful on a sketch show than a talk show (unless you’re a guest). Conan relates to people by being a nerd. Letterman relates to people by being a goofball. Leno relates to people by being bland and generally acceptable.  Craig Ferguson related to people by being a witty foreigner.  What is Fallon? He has no identity other than cutesy cooing and “huh, what?” looks. He was on SNL for five years without building a male following, failed at a movie career for four years (Rob Schneider has probably grossed 5X more in his career), and now he slides into the position following two of the most prolific television personalities in history.

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I think the monologue will improve as he gets more comfortable. They’ll probably also find their stride with the skits once they figure out the “sweet spot”. But I’m not convinced that Jimmy Fallon will ever be a sharp interviewer like Letterman.

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I can’t help but think he’s not quite cut out to be “in our homes” every night.  I could think differently after watching his second show in a few minutes (and admittedly, Fallon did turn in huge ratings).  Even so, Carson has been on for 5+ years.  And Lorne Michaels loves the distinction as “hit-maker” after choosing (and sticking with) Conan.  So I think they’ll probably stay with Fallon for a while before he goes out with a wimper.  At least Jimmy Fallon can take solace in the fact that he has the greatest movie poster of all time.  Some great comments, links to reviews, and video clips from the show are below.  Also, his favorite baseball team is the Boston Red Sox.  You know why? BECAUSE HE DECIDED HE LIKED THEM DURING TH FILMING OF FEVER PITCH.  He’s from New York.  Pathetic.

SELECTED COMMENTS/QUOTES:

• jay ashland Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 10:42 AM EST
  I think he was almost as good as Magic Johnson’s talk show.
• danmartin00: Prediction: @jimmyfallon will have more Twitter followers than Late Night viewers in 12 weeks .. I’d bet a Bud Light Lime on it.
• @TheFatJew: JIMMY FALLON IS ABOUT AS FUNNY AS DATE RAPE

REVIEWS:

• Entertainment Weekly
• Chicago Tribune
• Prefix Mag
• E!Online
• Gawker
• Time

OPENING SKIT WITH CONAN

SLOW JAM W/ THE ROOTS

TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC: BLONDE MOTHERS FROM CONNECTICUT

ROBERT DE NIRO SKIT W/ FALLON

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE FULL

You may have seen news coverage of the protest group called TakeBackNYU.  After reading their absurd FAQ, I decided to post a comment on their most recent post.  Not surprisingly, these cowards did not approve my comment but felt the need to approve a number of mostly positive comments.  These kids are  JOKE.  Here’s the comment:
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Dear Kids With Too Much Time,
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Let’s examine the first “answer” in your FAQ:
“Yes! Every public institution, including public universities, are required by law to fully disclose their operating budgets. Additionally, the trend in the global economic market has been towards full disclosure. Companies realize that transparency leads to good (i.e. profitable) business practices.”
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Umm, NYU is a PRIVATE, NON-PROFIT university (that you chose to attend).  Are you guys serious?  Also, did you even read the Gothamist article that you cite?  CLEARLY, tuition increases are not directly related to inflation and NYU is below national and state averages.  I also find it hilarious that you think “secrecy” of salaries protects discrimination.  Well, it also aids you in negotiation, fools.  The result of full disclosure would be an increase in salaries which would directly contradict your goal of lower tuition.  I guess you could fire some teachers and have bigger classes, but you’d probably protest that too.  I understand the goals you’re trying to achieve… but the reasons are nonsensical (and comical in some cases).
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At least you guys got yourselves on Drudge.  Maybe Obama will give you a war to protest and we can all call it a day.  I’m just happy I’ve moved on from NYU and don’t have to witness this idiocy.  I have one demand: shut up.
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Thanks for making us all look like pricks,
Alum

Mr. Phoenix was on Letterman last night and looked like a complete greaseball. I guess it’s a part of his act where he pretends he wants to be a rapper and Casey Affleck films it… but in any case, it wasn’t very funny. I was happy that Letterman took the time to hammer him concluding the interview with, “Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight”. At least you were temporarily the #1 search trend on twitter, asshole.

He couldn’t even set up his own movie clip (Two Lovers) and pretended he had no idea what was going on. It was quite annoying. If you’re going for a new persona, at least make it worth watching. You have three options Joaquin Rafael Bottom (Wikipedia says that’s his real name): make your fake rap act more interesting, go back to being a real actor, or disappear. As Tom Sizemore eloquently stated in True Romance, “You’re an actor. ACT, motherfucker!”  Here’s a picture of him looking like a hobo and his Letterman interview:

This February, Joaquin Phoenix IS homeless

If you were watching the Grammys last night, you probably caught some of the awful fashion.  There were future outfits, unnecessary hats, and then whatever Coldplay wore (image below).  Are they musical Power Rangers?  Then below we have two videos of the incredibly ugly Blake Griffin throwing down against Colorado.  Upon being drafted into the NBA, he will compete with the likes of Charlie Villanueva and Shelden Williams for title of ugliest baller around.

Coldplay spun the Roy G. Biv wheel to come up with this ensemble

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What do these pictures have in common?  The first answer is “nothing”.  But if you take another look you may achieve a deeper understanding.  Below are three displays of the highest level of BFFery.
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John McEnroe commented, "If it smells like a rat..."

Nadal and Federer are opponents when they take the court, but warm and caring lovers as they leave.  Suburban high school girls band together use science to improve their beer drinking experience.  They’re completely different pictures with such similar messages.

Can somebody explain to me how pouring beer from a bottle into a larger bottle with the same size opening enhances the experience?

The one that you might not understand is the last picture.  If my buddy Paul was a real BFF, would he let that guy sleep on the ground?  No, no he would not.  To understand the BFFery, you have to look past a guy giving a thumbs up next to a passed out guy on the ground.  Think about the scenery and the context.  The real BFF is me, the OCD.  Only a true friend is there in a moment of need — such as taking a picture when a guy passes out in his suit next to a pile of horse shit.
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There's no way that guy just fell down there. So when did he decide to pass out alone in a clearing?

The NFL had quite the opening ceremony for the Super Bowl.  The opportunity to appear in that pre-game show is prestigious for entertainers and personalities of all kinds.  However, it was still a little surprising to see two of the people flanking Roger Goodell on Sunday.

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First, they brought in the crew of Flight 1549 including THE Chelsea “Sully” Sullenberger that landed the plane.  Pretty much all they did was receive and introduction and wave to the crowd.  I guess they’re pretty used to that by now.

What could they possibly be talking about? Geese?

My favorite appearance in Tampa was by coin-tosser extraordinaire General David Petraeus.  When he’s not tossing coins, he runs the United States Central Command and oversees US operations in 20 countries.   I guess he wasn’t booked on Sunday.

"I loved you in Generation Kill!"

Yesterday, I encountered a incredibly accurate instance of symbolism. I ride the subway to work and am typically half-asleep on my voyage to midtown. Today, the door opened and I took a half-step out… and then nearly fell on my ass trying to avoid disaster. I immediately noticed some of the nastiest vomit of all-time splattered in my path and, luckily, avoided it. It reminded me of the situation I was about to walk into at the office. Having recently been notified that the Playboy New York office was closing, it also meant I was out of a job at the end of April. This was quite similar to the puke I was about to step in. Also, there was a mouse eating the puke. I wonder what that symbolizes. Somebody smarter than me must have a theory on that. And now, two random rants:
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Daddy’s Girls “make the right decision”
Does anybody watch this show? You shouldn’t. I’ve given it a few tries. It’s about Rev Run’s two daughters that move to LA to start a shoe company. On the last episode, the girls were approached by a huge douchebag promoter to host a party.  You may say, “But Chris, not all club promoters are douchebags.  You need to be more accepting.”  But that would be wrong… this guy was roided out, fake-tanned, and wore one of those “L.A. club guy” shirts that have stitching on the shoulder or chest of something bad ass like a dragon.

If you buy this shirt, I automatically hate you.

The episode was based on their struggle with morality as they weighed raking in some cash with the club gig and keeping their squeaky clean image as spokeswomen for the Girl Scouts. Obviously, they chose the high road and opted for the Girl Scouts. I’m guessing they were offered like $10-20K. They didn’t end up hosting a club appearance… but let’s recap what actually happened. They MET this promoter at his club Vice. It wasn’t blurred out… that’s weird! Then, he later pitched them on the club appearance and talked up some of their previous hosts ranging from Jenna Jameson to I don’t remember. The point? The club gave them money anyway. They were featured on a fucking cable television show for an extended period of time as a main part of the storyline. I refuse to believe that it was coincidence and that they just FORGOT to blur the club name. Ridiculous. That show sucks — don’t watch it.
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T.O. vs. Keyshawn: Round 2
Terrell Owens does not like Keyshawn Johnson. He’s already talked trash about Key. So I guess TO felt a little bit jealous when Keyshawn got his own interior design show on A&E. Fast forward 4 months later… and now 81 is signed up to do a reality show on VH1 produced by Rock of Love/Flavor of Love/I Love Money veterans Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin. Let’s hope for a train wreck, baby.

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Last but not least… here are a couple of random links… Jenna Fischer looks damn fine at the SAG Awards and apparently Frito Lay has released caffeine snacks in Japan. Awesome.