One task I have at Playboy is to on a monthly basis is to remove delinquent people from our “comped subscription list”. Usually, they’re potential advertisers… mostly marketing staff, media planners, etc. It is unusual that I have to remove such a famous celebrity as I did today.  Just in case you’re unfamiliar with Michael Knight… check out Wikipedia.

Will Wright is the creator of Sim City, The Sims, and the new game Spore. Obviously, he’s very smart and very rich man. I looked him up on Wikipedia to find out more and I came across a picture of him from South by Southwest. I know he’s a badass, but I think this is a little extreme. The Columbia vest with no undershirt is quite bold.

Will Wright doesn’t let sleeves limit his genius

I’ve been neglecting the OCDeez and I can feel your icy glare. I’m going to blame it on the Olympics. If you didn’t already know, the Olympics have been killing in the ratings. NBC’s ratings for Saturday night (Michael Phelps, etc.) were higher than any broadcast since a Golden Girls episode in 1990. But that means that the Olympics have been wildly successful — ABC, CBS, and FOX are going to register their worst people meter ratings of all time. I’ve been watching a lot of Olympic coverage lately, so I’ve taken the time to break it down from those of you who have “lives”. There’s a lot of reading here, and I apologize for that. But rest assured, there are pictures of hot female Olympians below.

• Al Trautwig as the announcer on the gymnastics floor is hilarious. Al Trautwig is a familiar figure in New York as a correspondent for MSG. New Yorkers are used to him covering Knicks games, so it was quite hilarious to hear him calling gymnastics. The best moment was when a Japanese vaulter completely botched a landing and he let out a strong but gentle “oh my goodness”. Classic.
• Two of my favorite commercials so far are McCain’s “Original Maverick” and the one where the sprinter’s dad helps him to the finish (with Morgan Freeman narrating). McCain essentially throws Bush under the bus and throws the “Original Maverick” badge on there. Can he just bring back “Straight Talk Express” already? This guy is out of touch. The sprinter commercial is just OK, but somebody I was with proposed an interesting hypothetical: wouldn’t it be awesome if a swimmer went down the same way and then his dad jumped in the water and doggy-paddle-dragged his son to the finish line? The image brings a tear to my eye.
• The Chinese have dominated the gold medals. They have to be stopped. Olympic Basketball needs to count for like 10 gold medals to make it a level playing field — or we need to eliminate synchronized diving and shooting. Those two competitions account for 9 of the Chinese gold medals.
• Michael Phelps is an animal. There isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been said. There was a great moment during the Bob Costas-mediated conversation between Phelps and Mark Spitz. Costas essentially asked Spitz if Michael Phelps was the greatest swimmer and Olympian of all time (before he won the 8th gold medal). There was clearly lag time between when Spitz would hear the question and give his answer. So before he could answer the question, Phelps thought the question was directed at him at started with “Well, if you had asked me…”. At this point, we don’t even need to ask him. 8 gold medals, bitches. Let’s see you try to pull that off, Chinese people.
• I thank NBC for the inane retrospective on Glenn Cowan going to China. Who is Glenn Cowan? He was a table tennis player that went to China and was part of the Ping Pong Diplomacy. I found his bat-shit-crazy haircut much more interesting than that.

GAY DIX & DONG DONG

There are a lot of crazy names in the Olympics, so I took a couple camera pictures of my two favorites. One is from a sprinting heat with two American names (Gay & Dix) lined up together. The other is the name of Chinese diver Dong Dong. “Chris Duncan” is so generic.

HOT FEMALE OLYMPIANS

The Olympics are great because they showcase hundreds of incredibly fit women. Two of my personal favorites have been Katarzyna Skowronska and Sheena Tosta. I could make a typical T&A post, but the OCD is all about C-L-A-S-S. I’m going to try to be as gentlemanly as possible while treading in crude territory.

KATARZYNA “KASIA” SKOWRONSKA

Katarzyna AKA Kasia is a Polish volleyball player. Not only is she hot, but she is also a bad ass. She’s generally considered the best spiker in the world. Feel free to make your own sex-related joke about that one. What’s not to like about a girl that’s tall, beautiful, toned, and talented girl that wears booty shorts and knee pads for a living. Feel free to make your own Polish sausage-related joke here.

SHEENA TOSTA
This girl has pretty much everything you could want. It’s nice to see a female sprinter that isn’t humongous. She went to UCLA, so she’s also smart. I think our beautiful, mocha baby could bring home a gold medal in 2030.

“NASTY” NASTIA LIUKIN
This one is for Doug and Brad. People love Nastia. I’ve had several people demand that I get her into Playboy somehow. Don’t worry guys… I’ll use my incredible influence to get that done. The good thing about Nastia is that she doesn’t have a hulking gymnast body.

KERI WALSH AND MISTY MAY-TREANOR
The hottest thing here is the idea of a package deal. They both have husbands… so what? I’m a big time internet blogger. It’s not even a competition. I’m not that crazy for either one of them, but there are times when get me quite hot and bothered. See below:

SHAWN JOHNSON
Don’t say Shawn Johnson. I have a handful of sick friends that feel the need to notify everybody of their desire to bone Shawn Johnson whenever they showed her. That shit is gross. Only Sergei Fedorov and Stephen Coletti can pull that shit off. Sergei is too old now, so Stephen Coletti from Laguna Beach will be hitting that in a matter of months.

My favorite girls are Katarzyna and Sheena. I think I’m going to have to go with Katarzyna here, but it’s basically a tie. Who is the hottest female Olympian to you? I’m thinking that Nastia and Shawn Johnson are going to clean up. You can also put your own answers into the poll.

Madden comes out today and it’s no surprise that freaks are skipping work to play. I was talking to my buddy Paul after he returned from the bar last night. He had met one of his fraternity brothers, had a few drinks, and they discussed Madden. His friend is my new hero. You can’t make this stuff up.

Clearly, Jerry Rice cannot be bothered unless it’s for reality TV

OCD: Madden IS out. It came out at midnight.
Paul: Yeah, so I was talking to ******* and he told me that he’s skipping work tomorrow to play Madden all day.
OCD: Wow, what a dumbass. Although, I’ve actually heard of people doing that before.
Paul: Yeah… but he has a PlayStation 2.
OCD: (hysterical laughter)

“Stanley Kobierowski, 34, was arrested in Providence, R.I., after smashing his car into an electronic message sign. According to state police, he allegedly blew a .489 and .491 on a Breathalyzer at the scene. That’s more than six times the state’s legal limit. He was brought to a local hospital and held for two days until sober enough to be arraigned, police said.”

Stanley Kobierowski is a bad bad man. When I was in Cabo last March, we were getting somewhat sauced and one of the Cali kids had his own breathalyzer. My friend Alex gave it a whirl and he blew a .300. We both assumed this was wayyyy too high and that he would be crawling if he actually had a .300 BAC. But .489 is just a new level of insanity. That guy should be dead right now. The feat amazes me for two reasons 1) his body didn’t shut down before he reached that BAC and 2) he was able to drink that much volume of liquid. Let’s say he did all of his damage in a 6-8 hour span. I bet he drank between 20-30 beers in that time. Take the poll below and weigh in:

Want to be famous by seeing your name on my blog? Email a tip or potential quote of the day to officialchrisduncan@gmail.com.

Contrary to what “the internet” may tell you, Official Chris Duncan did not have sex with this girl Dorcas. I don’t know a girl named Dorcas and I don’t think I’ve ever been to St. Louis. Given the opportunity, I would try to disappoint this girl sexually … but that was never possible. I didn’t even know who this “Dorcas” person was until I received this facebook message:

SUBJECT: hey….
TIME: July 20 at 1:04pm
did you bone a girl named Dorcas who lives in stl, or was that another Chris Duncan? Just wondering, cause I saw it on thedirty.com

I don’t pick up whores in bars — I solicit them on Craigslist

That lovely tidbit of information is from TheDirty.com — a site that is penned by a person that calls themselves Nik Richie. His real name is apparently Hooman Karamian as cited by Dirtyscottsdale Discovered. I congratulate him on running a good site, but he seems like a humongous douche (hmmm… that sounds familiar). I posted the picture of “Dorcas” and cropped his logo out of it. The guy jacked photos (personal pictures of some guy and his girlfriend) from Playboy’s social network (PlayboyU) and passed them off as interesting content. Not cool.

I was in Scottsdale in February for Super Bowl and I can imagine where this guy comes from. Scottsdale is like the really try-hard version of a big city club scene. There are nice venues, beautiful people, and money — but there’s no real hierarchy to make the snobiness legit. I actually really liked Scottsdale though. But that’s probably because I went to Ashley Simpson’s event on Wednesday and the Madden Bowl on Thursday (where I feebly attempted to invite Roy Williams to our Playboy Party). Ah, memories… or at least reminders of memories you had they were erased.

By now, almost everybody knows that Andy Dick is a little crazy. However, he confirmed this again by making a scene outside of a Buffalo Wild Wings. The short story is that he was peeing in the parking lot then decided to pull a teenage girl’s top down. The resulting search found other drugs in his possession.

Andy Dick is as crazy as the day is long
The most shocking part of this story is that Andy Dick was at BUFFALO WILD WINGS. Shouldn’t he be doing drugs at a much nicer establishment? For some reason, I can’t help but picture this scene with trucker-people as the innocent bystanders. Also, can anybody explain to me why a performer would just whip it out? It says that Andy Dick has done this twice… K-Ci did it too. What gives?

Last week, the roommates and I ended up watching Surviving The Game. I can’t remember if we DVR’d it or if we watched it as it came on — but we watched it wire-to-wire.

My first thought when watching it was: “How did they trick all of these guys into being in this movie?” The cast includes Rutger Hauer, John C. McGinley, Gary Busey, and Ice-T (pre-badass-actor-stage). Rutger Hauer plays one of the cheesiest characters of all time. The basic story is that Ice T plays a homeless guy they recruit to be the target of human hunt. Rutger Hauer is the brains of the operation and once they get Mr. T to the cabin in the woods, he’s MERCILESS with the overt-foreshadowing. It’s almost laughable as during the dinner scene when Hauer tells him to “savor the meal” and when Gary Busey lets him know that you “can steal the pig’s soul by looking into its eyes”.

No matter what experience you hope to draw from Surviving the Game, you will be entertained. There are many moments of high tension — like when Ice T tries to shoot his assailants with a shotgun from 200 yards away. But the best moment, BY FAR, has to be the story of Prince Henry Stout.

While we were watching this part, we couldn’t really decide how much of this Busey ad-libbed. This short clip (thanks for sending, Brad) definitely challenges The Wicker Man in terms of pure insanity. It barely beats out the scene where Busey tackles Ice-T and tries to kill him.

Clearly, this was during Gary Busey’s hey-day. Surviving The Game was in the middle of his Under Siege-Surviving The Game-Black Sheep-Drop Zone streak. It’s unfortunate that his niche, crazy cocaine-fueled diatribes, also sparked his downfall. Hey, at least his career didn’t tank as badly as his son’s after Tomcats.

UPDATE: Alex found a transcript of an interview with Busey where he talks about the “Prince Henry Stout” story. Unsurprisingly, most of the speech was ad-libbed. Busey is god. He was on the I Love Money Casting Special and one guy said to him “I want to be on the A-List like you used to be!” Gary Busy was on the A-List?

Gary: That is not in the film. What’s the other character you said? Surviving the Game! That was fantastic and when it came time to do the story about how I got into this game of surviving the game, the line was about three inches long. I told the director, Ernest Dickerson, I said, “Ernest, this is not enough tell the people why I’m here. Can I enlarge this?” And he said, “Yes you can.” And I said, “You have just watered my garden! Thank you.” So out came the story about me fighting Prince Henry Stout, the bulldog—life and death. And all that was improv. It’s used in film studies now at colleges and universities to talk about the power of improvisation and spontaneity. And here is the key to spontaneity. This is a quote. Spontaneity comes from an invisible idea that is there before the creation begins—end quote. We all have it. We all have it in us, this a natural gift.