The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

I’m a delinquent blogger and I apologize. After spending enough time in Mexico, you lose the ability to organize your thoughts in a manner that doesn’t end with tequila shots. I’m sure my passionate readership along with a few random Kiefer Sutherland fans are dying to hear the “haps” south of the border. I tried to recount the first week of spring break chronologically and that didn’t really work out… so I’ve written it in the form of a letter. The letter is to my dear friend Alex of standing-next-to-Kiefer-Sutherland-with-a-mustache fame. He’s my roommate and he’s a model (the kind that gets paid for handsome). He grows mustaches in his spare time. Last year, he went to Cabo but didn’t get the chance this year. Sorry, brother.

Dear Mustachioed Friend Alex,

I’m sorry that you didn’t get to make the trip to Meh-hee-co this year but you’re not missing out on that much… no, that’s a lie. If you’re too lazy to actually read, the my Spring Break week 2 pictures are on the Official Chris Duncan Flickr and the videos are on the Official Chris Duncan YouTube channel.

I met The Beasts of Eden (an awesome band from Brooklyn) at their sound check at Cabo Wabo. They were enjoying their first tequila shots of the trip late that afternoon… and some did not return until well after the sun came up. Luckily, they are bad ass enough to handle performing in the middle of being professional rockers. The Beasts of Eden song “Only Good at Looking Good” is probably my favorite. They have another song “Two Suns” but it’s not on the debut EP. I’ve seen them do it live twice (?) and it’s fucking awesome. They played it at their last set at Nikki Beach with Paul Dateh. We had a sweet set up at Hotel Bahia and when we asked them for a fridge full of beers for the band, they obliged.

The Beasts of Eden rocking Cabo Wabo (L) and Nikki Beach (R)

There were a few lovely ladies with me for the trip as well. Maybe you’ve heard of Playmate Lindsay Wagner or Cyber Girls Jillian Beyor, Jessica Danielle, and Aubrie Lemon? Oh yeah, you met them (except for Lindsay) last year in Mexico. Jessica actually remembered talking to you on the flight back to LA last year. Don’t worry… she’s getting engaged and you’re not quite handsome enough for her. I liked hanging out with Lindsay. Is it fucked up that her ability to destroy Burger King turns me on? I guess that’s my type … 20 year old Playmates that can eat anything they want. It was also entertaining to give her shit about the infamous Terrence Nunn game-losing fumble from the Nebraska-Texas game a couple years ago.

Jessica Danielle, Lindsay Wagner, and Jillian Beyor dancing because I made them

She was also into my awesome dance moves when I cut a rug at Zoo. They were thoroughly impressed by my ten seconds of spastic, somewhat rhythmic movements that I repeated many times. I think the most people were impressed by my stint wearing the “Michael Knight” jacket though.

Rocking appropriately in the hefty bag jacket… photos courtesy of Lisa Kolodny of thedirtaythirtay.com

Shenanigans? Shenanigans occurred. At Billygan’s, we were treated to an extremely raunchy “booty shaking contest”. I’m a booty shaking contest purist and that means amateurs only. The girl that won had to be a stripper. She had some moves that had to be practiced many times to execute correctly. She decided to flash at the end and it wasn’t really even in the neighborhood of sexy.

I ended up in what I believe to be an Isuzu Trooper with 12-15 other people after a big night at El Squid Roe. I was in the passenger’s seat with some beeyotch sitting on my lap (joking) so I got to have a pleasant conversation with our driver. Her name was Sunset, she had many tats, and she liked Sublime and Rage against the Machine. Thumbs up in my book. We later found out that she was brought up in the Children of God cult — still, nice girl. It was about 5AM and we decided to hit the beach. Somehow, everybody left while I was sitting on a beach chair and after about 10 minutes I decided I was done hanging out on the beach. I only found one one of my socks at the spot where I had left my bad ass kicks. Tough loss.

One sweet thing that we did was a “name tag party” at Nowhere Bar. Basically, we had sheets of “Hello My Name Is” stickers and sharpies and let people put them on each other. The ones I got were “Fucking Humarious” (humorous-hilarious) and my favorite “Extremely Tan Forehead”. I gave out a ton, but the classic was “Strong But Gentle” for Carter from the Beasts of Eden. It became our motto for the week. At the end of the night, they name tags got more and more offensive — which is where I begin to shine. I managed to slap “DTF” on the back of some incredibly drunk girl. I also put a “DTF” on myself, so I guess it’s not all bad. The best one was probably on “Yuma”. She seemed overly “generous” and like a train might be leaving the station that night. So I wrote “3:10 to Yuma” on a sticker and Chris B from Beasts of Eden applied it courageously. Not sure who she stumbled home with that night.

“Yuma” with the name tag she earned on her back… and “green light go!” on her ass

But the night didn’t end there… I was in it for the long haul. You know, when I try to have so much fun that I miss my flight. My buddies in Cabo were having an “after party” the last night that we were in town. That meant that once Nowhere Bar closed, they had some booze and a DJ set up in another place in that plaza. It was pretty fun, very loud, and filled with people wayyy more fucked up than I was. I saw our favorite security guard from last year at the party. You know, the guy who looked like Manny from Scarface. He updated his style and didn’t have the strong mustache or slick hair anymore and decided to rock a trench coat that made me think he had 2-3 guns on him. On the last night, I did see him at the “after party” going nuts on the dance floor. I was there for maybe an hour. As I was leaving, a handful of local girls and two amazing Argentinian girls took their shirts off. I was sad.

I picked up a few awesome souvenirs. The first item I picked up in a souvenir shop. I had been eyeing them since the first week. They were sweet mexican blankets in a poncho style with NFL logos. I got a Giants one for myself and a Titans one for my brother. Apparently, it’s not worth producing unlicensed Detroit Lions merchandise. The other cool thing I got was an official Mexican police hat. Unfortunately, it’s a “baseball cap” and not a sombrero or anything like that. But hey, add those to my Cabo San Lucas turtle necklace and I’m almost an Official Mexican.

The New York Giants poncho and Mexican police hat modeled by Official Chris Duncan… jealous?

So I’m back in New York and it’s not warm. I won’t be this tan again for at least a year. Shit. In the coming weeks, we’ll be unveiling some new features at OCD with the help of some of my buddies. Stay tuned.

One Spring Break down and one to go… my tan is almost gone along and I haven’t yet regained my ability to work in a cubicle. Luckily, I’ll be able to work shirtless a few more days when I’m in Cabo. It’s been a tough few days in the I was back soul-crushing-grip-of-the-daily-grind since spending the 11 previous days in Cabo and Austin. I already posted a SXSW recap, so let’s review the last week in Cabo.

Birthday Boy - Friday was my birthday, so I felt pretty special. We were headed to Nowhere Bar to celebrate. It’s probably only about a 10 minute walk from Tesoro Los Cabos… but there’s a lot happening in between. The strip club promoters could see that I was glowing and really gave me their “A” game. I resisted those propositions. There are about four strip clubs in one plaza and one or two other ones nearby… I think people would let me know if one was worth visiting. Once we got to Nowhere Bar, The Cabo Spring Break staff gave me a turtle whistle necklace as a birthday gift. People were very impressed. After getting sufficiently intoxicated and spending way too much buying shots “in da club”, it was taco time. One of the best “legit” taco places in Cabo San Lucas is Los Paises. It’s a cement slab covered with plastic furniture, but decor is not the reason to visit. The tacos there are fucking incredible and it’s a great thing to put into your stomach before you sleep for four hours. Seriously though, find Los Paises if you visit Cabo.

Your Vegas @ Cabo Wabo - I can’t stop pushing Your Vegas because they are awesome. They’re a rock band from Leeds that was featured in Rock the Rabbit 2006. They came to Cabo with us last year (lucky them) and they came again this year (lucky us). Since last March, they’ve signed with Universal and toured with The Bravery. Last week, they did a set at Sammy Haggar’s Cabo Wabo and proved that they are indeed “proper rockers”. I was able to get a pretty good video of their last song “Troubled Times” from the catwalk at Cabo Wabo. I pissed in Sammy Hagar’s private bathroom and it made me feel pretty good about myself.

Musical Chairs @ Billygan’s - If I ever have a daughter, I never want her going to Billygan’s. At Billygan’s, Spring Breakers partake in a number of “beach games” and the result is anything but good, clean fun. After we had been at the beach for an hour or so, they started announcing a game of musical chairs. I saw a handful of girls go to sign up immediately. They still needed more people so the MC continued to call for girls to play the game. I saw a woman (probably in her 40s) that was trying to get her (teen) daughter to participate. Soon after, she was up on the platform and the game was about to start. With a bucket of beers on the line, the players were serious about the game. The “daughter” won the game and I was ecstatic. I approached her mom to try and make sure that the daughter would sign up for our Miss Playboy Mobile competition. That’s when I heard the MC calling for girls to trade him their bikini tops for beers. The chairs were gone from the platform and the hose at Billygan’s was in full effect. It would have turned into a raunchy wet t-shirt contest if it weren’t for the unfortunate placement of the giant “U” on the Playboy U shirts the girls were wearing. Not all of the girls traded their tops for beers and I think only one girl flashed, but it was still entertaining… so entertaining that I don’t have any pictures/videos. Sorry.

Tesoro Pool Deck - We were at the Tesoro Los Cabos hotel pool deck on Sunday and Tuesday. Sunday was supposed to be the day where we recruited girls for Miss Playboy Mobile on Tuesday. We had guys on stilts and guys with bouncy shoes hopping around… but that wasn’t really effective for recruiting girls. It was a pretty cool scene on Sunday but we had to rely on Billygan’s as our main recruitment effort. When Tuesday rolled around, I started to sweat. The event was supposed to start at 1PM and nobody was there. Come 2PM, there were not many college students at the pool. That’s when we decided to take matters into our own hands. Charlie hit the beach in search of college kids (specifically hot girls) to hang out for Miss Playboy Mobile. Rocky and I went to the marina, but there wasn’t much to be found there. Most girls were with their families (we think a cruise ship had just docked and released a few hundred tourists). We reached the end of the marina and there were no pretty girls to be found. The one fruitful result of the mission was seeing the most aggressive mullet of all time. A rotund 40-something mexican guy had a perfectly cubed crew cut on the top. Complementing the top was a sun-inned or orange dyed back part… this guy was a stickler for grooming, so it was slicked/brushed and there was no shag. This guy did not fuck around. I tried to take a cell phone picture of Rocky with this guy in the background, but he wouldn’t stay in one place.

Shortly thereafter, Rocky and I turned around and headed back to Tesoro with our fingers crossed that the other crew had been successful. There still weren’t that many people at the pool when we got back a little after 3. I got one girl who we’d talked to earlier in the week to sign up (she eventually won). There was a group of cute girls from TCU and I was trying my hardest to get them to participate. I knew that getting these 6 girls in the Miss Playboy Mobile competition would mean we were no longer fucked. The problem was that they only cared about their booze cruise that day (they wanted to leave in 15 minutes). I offered to pay for the booze cruise and they started to come around. They made me confirm it for them about five times, give them my card, and give them my cell phone number… but they were in. Complete failure had been avoided. It wasn’t long before Charlie rolled in with Amanda Hanshaw & Jennifer Hurt with a group of kids. We convinced a handful of girls from that group to participate and we were set. There was a round of Playboy trivia where Nappi (winning girl who signed up first) got every question right. The other girls would wait until she put up an answer and just copy it… bitches. The talent portion was probably the most entertaining. The TCU girls wanted to go as a group. Apparently, all but one of them were cheerleaders. The “stage” was the hot tub covered with plywood to make a platform. Throughout the competition, it had gotten pretty wet. As the TCU girls set up on the platform, you could tell they were going to try something ill-advised. They set up in a horseshoe and threw Mindy or Melanie (one of the two twins) into the air. As she came down, somebody slipped or just fucked up and they BARELY caught her. Disappointed with their first attempt, they set up again. At this point, everybody by the pool was thinking “NO!” but couldn’t help but watch. They threw the girl up in the air again and executed perfectly. I breathed a sigh of relief since we wouldn’t have to take any Texas girls to the hospital that day.

Hackman @ Squid Roe - One of the funniest parts of the Cabo trip happened after I got back. On one of the first nights, we went to Squid Roe when it was pretty late. From our table/booth, I saw a random guy dancing on a table. We had actually seen him at our hotel wearing a Sonics jersey. I thought his dancing was hilarious, so I took two videos with my digital camera. After I had been back for about a week, I edited them with the OfficialChrisDuncan tag and some text on the second video. I put them on YouTube and hoped that people would think they were awesome. After a day or two, I noticed that I’d gotten email notification of a new comment on my blog. It was odd to me because the comment was on a much older post. I checked it out and it was somebody claiming to be the dancing guy in my video. I figured that one of the handful of people I’d sent the link or somebody that was in Cabo with me was playing a practical joke. At like 4AM, I got another comment but this time on one of the YouTube videos. It was somebody claiming to be the dancer again.

Comment on the YouTube video

Been back from Cabo for a week…..’bout time someone put me on Utube!
Hack “Hypnotic Dancer” Squid Roe ‘08

Comment on my Spring Break post:

Hey Chris!
It’s Rob….U know the “Ridiculous drunk man dancing on top of a table”.
That was just at a proper level….you should see me drunk!
Anyway….I knew if I waited I’d show up on Utube.
Had an awesome 10 days in Cabo.Stayed at Tesoro,Partied with the PB girls,Dos Equios girls….just never stopped!!
Rob H.

One thing I don’t understand is how you can visit a site called YouTube.com, find a video of yourself, then call the site “UTube” in your comments. Eventually, I checked my MySpace account a couple days later (I don’t check it very often). I noticed that I had a bunch of new friend requests — mostly spam. I clicked on the one random guy that had friended me since I figured it was a real person. 43 years old, from Oregon… and then OH SHIT, IT WAS THE GUY. The greatest part was that he had actually embedded the videos of him dancing on his MySpace profile. So Rob Hackman is now my new friend and he’s enjoying the hell out of being an “internet celebrity”.

Nothing is more fun than a game of Twister. That’s a lie. I can’t think of a time I’ve even played Twister. But I think it could be reasonably fun. That was my thought process when deciding to bring Playboy Twister to Cabo.

We found the spinner and shipped it last month. I scoured the closet and couldn’t find the mat that goes with it. The point of the story isn’t that I found the mat though. We just decided to print a new one. The final will look slightly different from the first mock-up below.

The NEW PlayboyU Twister mat… minus naked women.

However, I did find the original Playboy Twister mat online while checking out the search results for “Playboy Spring Break”. I really enjoyed this picture, so I felt the need to share. It is quite apparent that the old twister mat got some good mileage. Nice VHS camcorder that the guy on the left has… top of the line. Any guesses for what year this was taken? 1997?

An “adventurous” young woman gets down on the Playboy Twister mat. Yeah, I blurred her nipples. Sorry.

Playboy Spring Break 2008 won’t be nearly as “hardcore”. We won’t have wet t-shirt contests or anything like that. It’s Cabo San Lucas, you have to keep it classy. Girls won’t be taking their tops off at our events, but I’ll try to arrange that for other times during the week.

About a week ago I started my new routine in an effort to become less fat before I go to Cabo (March 7, also my birthday).

Back when I used to be athletic, I would be about 175 if I was lean and working out consistently and maybe 185 if I’m jacked. I’d guess that when I started, (and I’m incredibly accurate) I was about 189 (with more fat than I’d like, but I have been lifting off and on lately) — I’ve probably dropped a few pounds since I started. The plan is to lift two days in a row (and do 20-30 minutes of the stationary bike after) and then a third day of just cardio (hopefully 50-60 minutes or more).

Pumping Iron - I work out these days mostly for vanity. I forgot to sign up for indoor soccer for the winter season and it’s not like lifting weights would help much. I don’t even have my hockey equipment in New York, so these are purely beach muscles. I’ve added cardio to my routine because I need to lose some fat. In the prior 3 months or so, I had made the decision to become obese. One expert says that’s a lifestyle choice that many Americans are making these days. My routine is below…

It’s not exactly the “300 workout”

Day 1
chest: flies, incline press with dumbbells, decline with cables when available, dips, pushups on the mat with swiss ball(s)… I usually do them in that order and I’m not doing many pushups at the end
abs: seated spinal twist, leg lifts, hoist/crunch machine, plank on the mat
and a not that much for triceps (dips, extensions).

Day 2
back: seated row, seated high row, lat pulldown with arm handles,
shoulders: rear deltoid, shoulder press, lateral raise
bicep: preacher curls, reverse curls, neutral position curls

Then the third day, I do cardio for an extremely long time. We’ll see how it works out. The diet part is always really, really hard for me… and I’m not putting that much effort into it right now.

Playboy Spring Break is going to be in Cabo once again. We got our shirts in today and Charlie and I tested them out. First, we did the classic Spring Break pose… then we actually put them on. Apparently, Charlie looks great in a women’s small. We can tell you who our bands are for Cabo now (booking the rest of their flights next week):

Week 1 (March 8-11): Your Vegas and David Sides
Week 2 (March 22-25): Beasts of Eden and Paul Dateh & DJ inka one

It’s going to be AWESOME.

Sunrise in Cabo. A good time to go to sleep.