The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

The Lions are the worst team in the NFL and possibly the worst team of all time. They are the first team to go 0-15 and they may finish with the dreaded 0-16 record. They’ve already cemented their place in history as one of the most inept teams of all time. Dan Orlovsky is actually one of the better players on the Lions, but he may be remembered for a complete fuck up earlier this year against the Vikings. See below:

Mr. Orlovsky was so unaware of his position on the field that he runs out of bounds and Jared Allen celebrates in his face. Only then, did Dumbass Dan realize that he had registered a safety. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter at all. It’s actually one of my favorite YouTube videos. But losing at Green Bay this weekend would make the play infamous. Many football fans remember this “lowlight” from earlier in the season, but this clip WILL become the signature replay for the potential 0-16 Lions. Dan Orlovsky better shake the flu in a hurry and beat the Packers at Lambeau… or else he’s going to be the poster child for the Lions’ complete failure.

• Ad firm wants to buy one Super Bowl spot and re-sell it to up to 8 advertisers.
• Man files lawsuit over being called “douchebag” in the book Hot Chicks With Douchebags.
• Viacom disputes Rock of Love f-bomb.
• Tom Brady is engaged to Giselle Bundchen. Bastard.
• Update: McDonald’s actually paid 1000 people to stand in line for Japanese Quarter Pounders.  Check out the original Japanese QP post here.
• Hulu’s traffic declines for the first time (from October to November).  Losers.
• World of Warcraft has 11.5 mn subscribers worldwide.  Wow. (pun intended)
• Esquire: Will Obama legalize marijuana?
• The Sun: Lily Allen topless at a beach.
• HuffPo accused of ripping off content. They’ll probably rip me off soon.
• ESPN to launch interactive TV applications. Effing awsome.

I usually hate the musical guests on late night shows because it’s designed to kill the time between :21 and :35 with a 3-4 minute performance. However, Letterman does a great job with his performers. Tonight, they had Bon Iver… who I had never heard before in my life. Monday, they had The Duke Spirit which was also good/interesting. I’m not saying I love all of the bands that he has on, but they do an excellent job of mixing it up and keeping the quality consisent. Other bands that I’ve seen on Letterman and subsequently sought out (off the top of my head): The National, Black Kids, Fleet Foxes, etc. Letterman also personally loves the Foo Fighters… Paul Shaffer plays Everlong all the time. Elvis Costello (along with Jenny Lewis) played the show twice in the last month and change. Music blogs are for losers.

UPDATE: Brooklyn Vegan was kind enough to link to this post.  I commented on the their post saying that the song they played on Letterman was “For Emma”.  Apparently, the song was actually “Skinny Love” according to another commenter.

Ben Silverman’s Laugh Track

• Bryan Fuller’s first episode back at Heroes is #19 of this season.
• Nobody cares about Obama’s YouTube videos anymore.
• DMX was arrested at Scott Storch’s house.
• Aaron Rose from Gossip Girl effing sucks. Here’s a comparison to his real life counterpart (possibly).
• Jimmy Fallon hosts his online Late Night warm-up … in a t-shirt over long-sleeved shirt.
• Bergdorf has some creepy ass windows.
• Jay Leno’s non-exit from NBC is good in the short term… and horrible for everybody long-term.
• LAT: ‘Benjamin Button’ explodes onto award scene.

Justin Timberlake made a surprise appearance on SNL last night and killed.  He started with a super-speed monologue on Weekend Update where he ran through his entire (now cancelled) episode that he was going to host next week.  Later, he appeared in this skit as a backup dancer for Beyonce.  Paul Rudd was also a great host.  Maybe SNL isn’t dead.

Bringing sexy back?

• Netflix CEO thinks the remote control will be replaced by a sweet Wiimote-like pointer.
• Hillary Duff to star in NBC show.
• Hollywood scales back partying.
• Newest Guitar Hero not selling as well as previous installment.
• British woman divorces husband for virtual world sex. Also worth noting is that she met her (now estranged) husband in an online chat room.
• Prison Break coming to an end?
• Rosie O’Donnell “variety show” on NBC will feature Kathy Griffin, Jane Krakowski, Alanis Morissette, Danny Bonaduce, Dane Cook and Joe Francis. That sounds random and horrible.
• Paris potential BFF Corrie Loftin was not only in GGW, but also did softcore nude pics under the pseudonym Devin Lexen.
• My mustache heroes: the Croatian water polo team.
• Obama gives first weekly YouTube address.
• Robert Swift has a stupid tattoo on his arm (of the And1 guy). Idiot.
• Tatum Bell, previously a member of the Lions and manager of a cell phone store, signs with the Broncos.
• Maloof’s partner with Mark Burnett for reality show about the Sacramento Kings.
• Pros & Cons of the Blackberry Storm and iPhone 3G.
• Kanye West blogs about his arrest.
• Matthew McConaughey must’ve been stoned when he made up this exercise.
• Justin Timberlake buys $5.5 mn loft in NYC.
• Hamid Karzai offers Taliban safety deal.
• Kim Jong Il “makes new public appearance”.

NY Mag has harsh words about “Amazing” and “Tell Everybody That You Know” two tracks leaked from Kanye’s upcoming CD. I love a lot of what Kanye’s done. Everybody knows he’s an excellent producer and lyricist … but his vocals and flow are suspect at times. I actually like both songs and they will probably be popular, but you can’t call this an improvement on his past work.  “Amazing” almost sounds like a Kid Rock’s “Only God Knows Why” mixed with the Gangsta’s Paradise choir. And everybody still talks about Kid Rock’s slowed-down vocoder song… oh wait, no they don’t. Thankfully Young Jeezy is a good addition — he had a slick appearance on “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” from Graduation.

I don’t know how to feel about these songs though. They’re worth listening to… but they aren’t really “Kanye West songs”. When I heard them, I immediately thought either 1) somebody close to him died or 2) he and his girl split. Apparently, it’s both.  His mom died about a year ago from botched plastic surgery and because he and Alexis Phifer broke up a few months ago. The title of Mr. West’s upcoming CD is 808’s and Heartbreak. The former referring to the drum machine nicknamed the “808″ and the latter presumably referring to Phifer. Maybe Kanye grew up. He surprised me the most by failing to mention a single brand (I think). In 2004, he topped the American Brandstand list with mentions of 19 different brands in 4 of his songs (19 brands in 4 songs - Avis, Boost, Cadillac, Cartier, Cool Whip, Ensure, Geico Insurance, Hennessy, Jacob the Jeweler, Lexus, x2, Mercedes, MTV, Nike x2, Pepsi, Rolex, Toys R Us, Versace).  Although, the new “maturity” didn’t stop him from claiming he’s the “voice of a generation”.

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Gap creates potentially the most annoying celebrity holiday song commercial of all time

• NBC to air 3-D episode of Chuck after the Super Bowl… and then realize Chuck will never be popular. This is reminiscent of INCESSANT My Own Worst Enemy promos during the Olympics.
• Obama to resign from Senate on Sunday.
• Viewers of election coverage like and dislike O’Reilly the least. Katie Couric sandwiched between O’Reilly and Fox News (in general) on disliked list. Ouch.
• Heidi and Spencer will appear on “How I Met Your Mother”. Ugh.
• 60 Minutes books first post-election interview with Barack and Michelle Obama on Sunday.
• NYT says Obama dresses like Jerry Seinfeld.
• Preview Kanye’s competition… The Killers Day & Age
• TMZ says it best, “Travolta Shaves Head, Leaves Beard“. Scary but kind of awesome.  John called it the “Stone Cold” look.
• Chinese government decides to “name and shame” artists that lip-synch.
• Quantum of Solace locations for your James Bond tour.
• Paulson urges automaker aid. Soros: “Hedge funds will be decimated.”
• Bin Laden “cut off” from Al Qaeda operations. I think we’d actually be less safe if he died. At this point, he’s just a trophy.

French Playboy is awesome.  This month’s cover model will be Lydia Hearst.  Last month, it was Lily Cole.  I think it’s more acceptable to pose for French Playboy (it’s considered a fashion magazine to a certain degree), but it would be AMAZING to have those girls in the US version of Playboy.  Links to coverage are below.

Allen Iverson IS talkin’ ’bout practice

• Lydia Hearst is on the cover of French Playboy. It was Lily Cole last month. Hot.
• Palin starts her 2012 campaign early…
• Two of my favorite things make sweet love: Adam Duritz of Counting Crows to produce Broken Lizard movie Freeloader.
• Poehler out, SNL adds Chris Elliot’s daughter and Michaela Watkins.

Texas has the #2 recruitment class in NCAA basketball… here’s Jordan Hamilton, Destroyer of Worlds:

• ConAgra partners with MSN for online comedy series. Back to the OLD showbiz business model…
• This high school soccer player should be beaten for this stupid movie.
• Lil Wayne to perform at the CMAs tonight.
• Barack Obama collects Conan the Barbarian and Spider-Man comics.
• MadTV canceled. More surprisingly, there are 350 episodes of that show.
• Check out The Killers new single “Spaceman”. I can’t stand Mr. Brightside anymore, but The Killers still rock.
• YouTube to broadcast live event with most popular YouTube stars on 11/22
• Yankee Stadium to set up replay downloading, video uploads, and fan chatting on mobile phones.  Genius.
• ESPN will bid on 2010 BCS games.

In case you were wondering what athletes waving a hand in front of their face was all about… it was popularized by DeShawn Stevenson on the Wizards who saw Tony Yayo do it (at about :30) who says 50 Cent’s son Marques actually made it up. This is “I can’t feel my face” whereas John Cena says “you can’t see me“. Now you know.

• Prince William is starting to look old.
• Sex and the City II is coming. That was quick.
• Lost is back Wednesday January 21st.
• The World Series of Poker is on a 117 day hiatus so ESPN can air the final two players going heads up for the bracelet on Monday. But it won’t be live, it’ll be “same-day” coverage. Huh?
• McCain will be on Leno Tuesday. McCain and Palin… The Morning After
• Is Oprah pulling the plug in 2011?
• 30 seconds commercials during the upcoming Oscars cost about $1.6 million.
• Anybody want to guess what’s going on here? My two theories: election party or that weird dude is a male prostitute.
• Stephon Marbury: “One day I might be able to buy the Knicks.” If they keep paying him $22 million to do nothing, he might be right.
• Apple now the #2 provider of smartphones worldwide behind Nokia.
• UPDATE: Obamas will not get dog until Spring. Big news. Also, Willie Williams would respect Obama’s taste in rides.