The Official Chris Duncan Web Site

This conversation occurred a couple days ago with a friend who had gotten into a car accident. Earlier in that day, he had told me that advertising and marketing were evil and that anybody in that field of work was basically soulless. Then he t-boned some marketing student that ran a red light. But it gets entertaining when it starts to get a little bit creepy.

My friend decided to get in touch with the witness that vouched for him. He did it in an usually manner though. This is from a guy who refuses to use facebook because he think it’s narcissistic and stalkerish. He adamantly denied any of it being skeezy though. I want you all to read this and vote in the poll below.

AnonymousAssholeFriend: A&M marketing major, ran a fucking red light and i t-boned his ass (who was also driving a mazda 6) and splattered my whole engine across the street
AnonymousAssholeFriend: luckily it was his fault, so I guess your marketing “fuck you in the ass” gods tried to send me a message
AnonymousAssholeFriend: nevertheless, fuck them, they didn’t change my opinion and I fucking hate them even more
OfficialChrisDuncan: but doesn’t that kid/insurance have to take care of it?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: yeah, but it’s an insurance company so i’m probably going to get lowballed and not be able to buy as badass a car as that was
AnonymousAssholeFriend: the guy said he’d been drinking but since i’m a nice guy i didn’t tell the popo that or else he would have been double fucked
OfficialChrisDuncan: nice dude… good karma
AnonymousAssholeFriend: just bought that shit a month and a half ago
AnonymousAssholeFriend: and get this… the girl who was a witness had her name and number on the police report i got tonight … looked her up on myspace 18 and hot
OfficialChrisDuncan: you’re a creep
AnonymousAssholeFriend: so i texted her and thanked her and we exchanged like 3 more messages
OfficialChrisDuncan: you’re a huge creep
AnonymousAssholeFriend: and she was like “let me know if i can do anything else or hopefully i’ll see you around on campus”
OfficialChrisDuncan: holy shit, you have a girlfriend now
AnonymousAssholeFriend: nah, unfortunately *****’s new ladyfriend is also his neighbor, so anything’s hard to pull off at this point
AnonymousAssholeFriend: hey… all i did was text her thanks which i was going to do anyway before i saw she was pretty good looking
OfficialChrisDuncan: you are a creep… you know what’s creepier than friending people you don’t know that well on facebook?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: whatever, the dude wasn’t going to say he ran the light
she did me a huge favor
OfficialChrisDuncan: taking their number from a police report, looking them up on MySpace, then combining thanking them with flirting with them
AnonymousAssholeFriend: haha, she didn’t seem to mind
OfficialChrisDuncan: I didn’t say she wasn’t a stupid 18 year old… I said you were creepy
AnonymousAssholeFriend: listen, all i did was say “thanks for being my witness”
OfficialChrisDuncan: you probably put a smiley face in there or something
OfficialChrisDuncan: admit it
AnonymousAssholeFriend: haha, i actually did… with a wink
OfficialChrisDuncan: NO FUCKING WAY YOU CREEP
OfficialChrisDuncan: that’s so hilarious
AnonymousAssholeFriend: just a “thanks for looking out” emoticon
OfficialChrisDuncan: I see, you were trying to speak the 18 year old lingo
AnonymousAssholeFriend: all i was doing was saying thanks… she didn’t have to respond
AnonymousAssholeFriend: but she saw me last night and probably thought i was a sexy man so was encouraged to respond back
OfficialChrisDuncan: yeah, I guess she knew she was destined to be with a guy who drove a Mazda 6… and that night it was just fate
AnonymousAssholeFriend: man, i’m the least creepy dude around, i take offense to that
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahaha
AnonymousAssholeFriend: “got your number off the police report, just wanted to say thanks for being my witness
AnonymousAssholeFriend: wtf was that
AnonymousAssholeFriend: anyway, that’s all i said.. i didn’t ask her to get together even after she texted me back a couple more times
OfficialChrisDuncan: we’ll let the internet be the judge of that

And this gem is a separate exchange that I had with another friends. My friends are impressively creepy.

AnonymousAssholeFriend: i love dillon texas
OfficialChrisDuncan: ?
AnonymousAssholeFriend: the little town in friday night lights
OfficialChrisDuncan: hahah
AnonymousAssholeFriend: NBD
AnonymousAssholeFriend: i could seriously jack off to like 4 or 5 girl characters in this show
OfficialChrisDuncan: congrats

We have a lot of RFP’s (requests for proposals) from a variety of clients. The main advertisers that care about what I do (college marketing) are usually video games, movie/DVD releases, and grooming products. This note came from one of our sales guys along with the RFP document. Our sales guy took it one step further by explaining a part of the plot we may have missed. This email is quite ridiculous (and yes, this is the entire email with nothing deleted).

Thanks again Stephen.

How do you think we could incorporate Just Cause 2 to Spring Break?

Again there’s this miniature, evil billionaire who hires 6 beautiful women (hopefully Playmates) as his ninja body guards. The guys lives on his own tropical island

Now that the Official Chris Duncan Blog has been up a little over a month, I can cover my progress in promoting the site. The first month brought 564 unique visitors (we can chalk up 3 of those to me on my laptop, me at work, and me on my iPhone). Average time on the site is 1:37 which means people are actually reading what I post. A little over 70% of the 564 visitors only came once and never came back. However, that also means that the rest visited more than once — about 70 people have visited 10+ times. How did that happen?

Most of My Traffic Came from Google
Google sent 251 visits (different than unique visitors) for 31% of the total visits. I can safely say that most people weren’t looking for my blog. I catch a lot of random Playboy keywords from my posts about events, Mark Frazier, etc. I haven’t gotten any traffic from Yahoo at this point. I think that once I get listed on other search engines, I should have a decent bump in traffic. I can only hope that some of these people decide to actually read my blog if they don’t find what they’re looking for. Here are a few examples of searches that landed on my site and probably didn’t give the visitor what they were looking for: “masturbate with a vibrator”, hugh laurie phoenix, kept as a latex maid, pete wentz interview, roy williams looks like cartoon, and watch bikini airways online. I call these Chris Duncan’s Greatest Hits. Hopefully they liked the site anyway.

Direct Traffic Sent the Second Most Visits
Direct traffic is when somebody types in officialchrisduncan.com into their browser. So that as a second source is huge. Hopefully, that means that people remember the site and come back to it on their own later. It could also mean that somebody visits the OfficialChrisDuncan YouTube Channel and sees the URL in the actual video. So it’s hard to understand where direct traffic comes from, but it’s definitely the sign of an engaged visitor. I think one of the biggest parts of personal branding is wrapping all of your online identities together. My Flickr, YouTube Channel, Twitter, MySpace Profile, Facebook Page, and Digg/StumbleUpon accounts all point to each other. I’d rather have somebody see some content from me like a picture somewhere else (e.g. Flickr or Facebook) than force them to visit my site. In the last week, I have a YouTube video with almost 500 views and a Flickr image with 300+ views. People will find their way to your site if you have compelling content.

Digg and Reddit Round Out the Major Traffic Sources
I submit my own blog posts to Digg and Reddit. Yes, it’s a little bit embarrassing that I’m the only one who usually likes them — but it gets some decent traffic. I have to do more work on these networks to make a name for myself. Along with StumbleUpon, they are a great case to showcase your own interests and hopefully connect with people in a way that will get them to my site. This type of grassroots networking isn’t just for social bookmarking sites. I also have to do a better job visits sites that I think have similar visitors to mine and begin commenting/posting on forums.

Uncounted Traffic
My goal is to put my site in as many places as possible. So it’s fed into my MySpace profile, Facebook profile, and Facebook page. I’m pretty sure that my measuring for these sites (FeedBurner Live Hits) is less than accurate. The hard part is convincing people to actually visit my site instead of reading it on my Facebook profile. I plan on changing the Facebook feed to short previews instead of the entire post, so hopefully that sends more traffic to the site.

Momentum is Building
The site is definitely on the upswing. I can’t always hope for an increase in traffic every day, but I do hope it becomes more stable. If I just take stats from the last week (and that includes 12 hours of downtime last night), I still have 420 unique visitors. Of those people, 20% have visited the site more than once. So there are a lot of people who want more Official Chris Duncan. And I haven’t even started posting my homemade porn yet.

My roommate is a model, so I've heard firsthand about the shit that
they deal with. You're judged, poked, prodded, and sometimes worse —
and you have to eat that shit and smile. I guess that's the trade off
for a $1000+ day rate and free, awesome clothes.

I pass the poster of the above image nearly every day before I enter
the 53rd street E, F, V station. I always think to myself "if I get
more cut and stop wearing a shirt, girls will be hanging off of
me" … that's the point, right? I noticed something that turned me
off to this ad though. The guy and the girl have the EXACT same
haircut. The question is: who had it first?

P.S. I will be that jacked before spring break… that's another post
for another time (next week)